Is it possible that my mother is jealous of me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Is it possible that my mother is jealous of me?
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 7:00am

I always had a rocky relationship with my mother, she was emotionally and verbally abusive most of my childhood. Then I went to live in another country when I was 22 and we didn't have much contact for 7 years until I returned. I got married when I returned and she seemed a very different person, more happy and non-abusive, so we started to get along well.

But the thing is, since I got married, she started to hang out with my DH's family more, and she has been having some disturbing behaviour, like badmouthing me to my DH's siblings saying I was an awful daughter to her when she was so lovely to me, she puts on a different personality that's clearly not her just for people to like her, and even said to my face that I get along very well with my DH now but on the long run we'll have problems when he gets to know my real me... she even creates scenarios so people like her more than they like me. Very often I catch her looking at me like she hates me... the other day we were in a parent's house that has a swimming pool and I was swimming, then I stopped and looked at her and the way she was looking at me was scaring! It was my DH who noticed this first. It seems that she wants for me to fail somehow in my life and be miserable again like I was when I lived with her, like she cannot handle my happiness. A friend of mine that also knows her says that her behavious looks like she's jealous of me.

I tried to confront her with her behaviour and she just says that she thinks other people should know the real me because they like me and there's no way people can like me! I was in shock hearing this from my own mother. I AM a good person and I have many friends and people that like me. I'm also a genuine person and I don't dress up personalities for people to like me. That's what she does! I'm considering moving away from her because I don't need this in my life. I was just want to live a simple and happy life and have a "normal" mom. If that's not possible, I'll just walk away from her again.

So is it possible for a mother to feel jealous of her daughter? I never felt I'm in competition with her, and for me this is a VERY strange concept since I cannot understand competition between parents and sons! It is so twisted! Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:38pm

ANYTHING is possible....and just because it's the woman who gave birth to you.......doesn't mean that she can't be jealous, or in actuality, have mental or emotional problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
She sounds to me like someone with a personaility disorder. Maybe borderline or histrionic or both. What was her childhood like? I would try to understand her a little better, rather than let her put you on the defensive about who you are, go on the offensive getting her to let you know who she is really. And I would definitely, definitely not invite her anymore to gatherings where she'll be out of your sight and can bad mouth you behind your back.

The best defense to her hurtful comments is to be yourself, not react to what she says, and others will come to their own conclusions about you. What she is saying is more about HER and likely has nothing to do with you being likable or unlikable at all.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Madeiragirl ~

Your mother was abusive when you were a child, she's abusive still, it just manifests in a different way.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2010

Speaking from personal experience, I too have a mother who has jealousy issues, as well as just plain hates me. She hates me for not being born in the form of her ideal daughter, and she hates me for my dads favortism of me. I suffered and was punished for it,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011

Yes, it is entirely possible. My mother-in-law is this way. DH grew up poor but managed to make a good life for himself--and, instead of being proud,