Is this toxic?

I've been in a relationship with my son's father for 8 years now and its very confusing. We met in his city and I've travelled there several times since we've met. We were kind of forced into a relationship with each other because I got pregnant very soon after meeting him. When we met, he lied about alot. First his name...I still call him by the name he gave me when we met but everyone else calls him by his nickname(not the name he gave me)or by his first name. This makes me feels very stupid. Then he lied about having children...he had a 6 month old son and it may sound stupid but I always dated only childless men because I wanted to experience my first child with someone who was also having their first child. Then it took this man almost 3 years to even bring me around his life and by that I mean his home and family. It was easy to keep me from everything considering we only had a long distance relationship. When I did fly into his city we always stayed at a hotel(which I paid for). I only took my son with me a few times out of all the trips because I never had enough money in case of any types of emergency while there. To make this story short, I've always been the giver in this relationship even though I am the one responsible for our son, he's never paid child support. I've even sent money numerous times to help this man out of a jam. He never once asked me how I would manage if he needed me to send money. I've been sitting in my city alone now for 8 years with no emotional or financial help with my son not to mention being loyal to someone who's in another world. Why do I believe this man loves me? I've tried letting him go and even dated but when I did it was always with someone who reminded me of my son's father. Why do I continue to hold on to him so tight? Why am I so afraid of him hating me or cutting me out of his life when he's done so much to me?