Toxic wife of friend (Sorry so long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Toxic wife of friend (Sorry so long)
Sat, 10-26-2013 - 8:45pm

Hello, I come from the BS Board as my BF and I are both betrayed spouses been together 3+ years.  We have an overall good relationship but still have some trust issues b/c of our bad marriages. 


We have a mutual friend who is married to a nasty woman named Jules.  Jules is a toxic person who thrives on drama and tried to break us up a few years ago by telling each other we were cheating on one another.  I have tried to not have anything to do with her since then yet her hubby hangs with my BF so she is kind of in our lives from time to time. 


Last night I was at a party and overheard a phone conversation between a mutual friend and Jules (He did not know I was within earshot). Jules was telling a him that one of her friends called BF, saying she was the wife of another mutual friend and that she wanted a torrid affair and wanted him to go to the house when her hubby wasn’t home and “f*@k her like no tomorrow.”


The friend on the phone said something to Jules like, “What if BF went over house to f*@k her? hubby would have kicked his a$$!”  He then changed the subject.  He never knew that I heard the phone conversation.


I did not hear if Jules set this friend to do this or if the friend did it on her own.  I do not know this woman that called him very well but have seen her around town and there are rumors that she is an alcoholic. 


I also do not know when this phone call took place and what my BF said to this woman. Did he tell her he has a GF? Did he say “What the hell, let’s go!”  I am also perplexed as why he did not tell me about this. 


I told one mutual friend about this and she thinks Jules is a loser and I should not waste my time and not mention it to BF.  She said he would not do such a thing and talking about it with BF will not change anything; and that by doing so I am allowing Jules to bring toxicity into my life.   Another friend who is not involved in this group thinks I should mention to BF and see if he lies to me about the whole thing and ascertain why he did not tell me as all couples need complete honesty . 


I did mention to him today that I do not like Jules as I heard she has been spreading rumors about him and I do not think he should have anything to do with her.  He got angry and told me he does not like drama and that we are powerless over what other people say.  I dropped it and never did ask about the phone call.  This woman is in her 50’s and acts someone in middle school. 


I am REALLY upset over this.  Am I overreacting?  Should I ask him about the phone call or let sleeping dogs lie?


Any advice would be great..Thanks, Christy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 2:16am

It sounds like the "housewives of New Jersey"!  He said, she said, he cheated, she cheated, she's an alcoholic.  Don't listen to other people's conversations......and if you have something to say to your b/f say it and clear the air.  If you both have trust issues, then you aren't ready for a're not over your previous relationships.  There's no point in being with someone that you don't trust.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 10-28-2013 - 3:16pm

My head is swimming from the "he said, she said" here.

Gossip is garbage.  By listening to it and feeding on it, you are ingesting garbage.  Why on earth would you accept garbage from someone who you know has no character?

What you don't seem to get is that there ARE no dogs here.  Sleeping or otherwise.  There is an overheard conversation (?) between someone you know and a nasty person who has no place in your life.  Why does what this low-life say override what you know about your BF?

If you can't trust your BF, then you need to either work on your "trust issues," address anything you feel is truly significant, or let him go find someone whose opinion of him won't be influenced by someone who behaves like they belong on a reality TV show.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sat, 12-21-2013 - 2:26pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sat, 12-21-2013 - 2:27pm

Thanks everyone for your replies.  I spoke to one of our mutual friends and he told me that Jules made the whole thing up; no one contacted my bf.  Good thing I didn’t confront my BF!!!