What do I do Oh What do I do???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2012
What do I do Oh What do I do???
6
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 3:58pm

  A lot has happened this last month so I’m going to try and start at the beginning. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have been hanging out at a bar  on the weekends across from his dad’s place so we can just walk there and stay the night. Well one Friday night I was drunk and decided I didn’t want to go home yet and he was getting on my nerves so I hid in the bathroom until he walked to his dads without me.  I was going to take a cab to meet up with my brother and his gal but that didn’t end up happening. My ex that I left for my boyfriend came and got me and we went to the Strip club and then back to my house. My boyfriend busted us hanging out that next morning.  So my ex and I went to his mom’s house because that’s where he’d been staying until he got his house back.  Sunday came around and everything went back to normal except my boyfriend being a jerk  about the whole thing.  Oops!  So then the next couple weeks were fine and we moved in with my boyfriend's dad because the house was getting to be too much to deal with, with all the water damage and what not.  Then two weekends ago I had my guy friend (we'll call bill) come up to the Bar to meet us because I was going to try and help him find a new girl.  Well my boyfriend got jealous because Bill is cute and my boyfriend started being a jerk so Bill and I ditched him.  The next night I went back up to the Bar and meet my boyfriendand go home.  Well my boyfriend was wasted and when we got back to his dad’s he hit me in the face with a pizza box and then I don’t know really all what happened except that he picked me up by my throat two different times and I gave him a black eye that he could barely open. His father ended up getting in the middle of it and cops were called.  Luckily no one got in trouble or arrested.  So I packed my things and had Bill come back and pick me up. I’ve now been spending quite a bit of time with Bill and I know he likes me quite a bit and I like him.  my boyfriend still wants to try and work things out so I told him it’s going to take a lot of time for me to trust him again and not be scared of him. So I told him maybe we can see each other a couple times a week and he can start proving to me more than just that.  Meanwhile, I don’t believe my boyfriend knows I’ve been spending so much time with Bill nor what I’ve been doing while we’re apart.  I’ve been a bad girl! But I’m happier and I’m having a lot of fun.   So anyway Bill is a real sweet guy, he’s fun to be around, he makes me laugh, and he’s way laid back, and would never hit a girl.  He’s a good guy, and a cute country boy. Hmm….    So anyway it’s been quite interesting around here.  I moved back to the house and my brother had our carpets cleaned so it’s not so bad and things at the house are starting to come together a little more and not be such a pain in the ass / mess.  It’s been rough these last 2 weeks because once again my boyfriend lost most of my paycheck at the Casino when I told him $200 and we’ll split it he took out $600 and gave me $250.  Anyway even though the Violence was what made me finally leave, there are many, many, many other things that he does that upsets me, gets on my last nerves and complicates our relationship and keeps me unhappy.  So a lot of those things he has to change and work on in order for me to ever go back for sure.  So I’m trying to figure out if I even want to wait and find out if my boyfriendactually changes and can prove to me the many things he needs to since he wants to keep me forever and marry me blah blah blah.  Yet I think I’m leaning towards choosing to give  Bill a serious chance and not with all this bullshit that my boyfriend is trying to prove that he’s worthy of keeping me.  It’s quite unfair to him.  But Bill knows the situation and has been dealing with it quite well.  Bill is always around when I want or need him around and he has supported me through this bs since the beginning.  He gets along with my brother and helped him fix his transmission the other night he’s paid for any and everything that I’ve needed so far.  It’s absolutely great! So last night I spent the night with my boyfriend at a suite in a local casino which we may get again tonight.  Not sure.  I think I’d rather hang out with Bill.  I was thinking about him most of the night last night when I was with my boyfriend anyway.  Well my boyfriend got called in to Drop and he drank so much over the last week because of this we don’t know what his results are going to be he tried to drink a lot of fluids hoping it will be diluted so he’ll have to take it again so he’d have enough time to pass it.  If not the judge can lock him up I think for up to 6 months or something.  I’m hoping later on today we will find out his results so we know what’s going to happen.      So last night I didn’t meet my boyfriend at the Casino even though he did get the room and still no test results. I ended up going home and doing laundry.  Bill came over and stayed the night.  my boyfriend just won’t let go of this relationship so tonight I have to meet up with him for like 10 minutes to try and get a decent reasoning out without telling him what I’ve really been doing.  This sucks.  I shouldn’t have put myself in this situation but now that I have and think that I’ve made the right decision then maybe things will start getting better.  All the time I’ve spent without my boyfriend and either by myself, with family, friends or with Bill I’ve been so much happier.  Not depress really at all.  I mean yeah it sucks if I really did just waste 3 years of my life with my boyfriend but what can I do about that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:18pm

Well I can tell you not to waste more years or months with your BF--I'd say that a man who is violent shouldn't deserve a 2nd chance--ever.  Plus he took your money, seems to have a drinking problem and I don't know what exactly you were talking about, but seems to have some kind of criminal problem too--where is there anything good listed about this guy that would make you consider him again.  And just because he doesn't want to give up on the  relationship doesn't mean that you have to give him more chances--he had 3 yrs of chances, right?

I'd also say that your behavior is very questionable too--you aren't honest to your BF--you don't tell him you'r hanging out with another guy.  You seem to have met a decent guy with Bill, but you're waffling between him & your BF--you'll probably drive him away soon enough into the arms of a girl who won't play these kind of games with him.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 10:19pm
After reading your post several time I came to the conclusion that you do not know who you really are. You have no center. Yes you have left but it to me seem you are looking for a savior. Only you can save yourself. Bill,well I would say as a friend and lover and transitional person fine. It does seem that your life's journey needs to start.

dragowoman

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 1:08pm

StuckLove23 wrote:
<p><span style="color:#000000; font-family:Times New Roman; font-size:small"> </span><span style="font-size:small"><span style="color:#000000"><span style="font-family:Calibri"><span>  </span>A lot has happened this last month so I’m going to try and start at the beginning. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have been hanging out at a bar  on the weekends across from his dad’s place so we can just walk there and stay the night. Well one Friday night I was drunk and decided I didn’t want to go home yet and he was getting on my nerves so I hid in the bathroom until he walked to his dads without me.<span>  </span>I was going to take a cab to meet up with my brother and his gal but that didn’t end up happening. My ex that I left for my boyfriend came and got me and we went to the Strip club and then back to my house.<span> My boyfriend </span>busted us hanging out that next morning.<span>  </span>So my ex and I went to his mom’s house because that’s where he’d been staying until he got his house back.<span>  </span>Sunday came around and everything went back to normal except my boyfriend being a jerk  about the whole thing.<span>  </span>Oops!<span>  </span>So then the next couple weeks were fine and we moved in with my boyfriend's dad because the house was getting to be too much to deal with, with all the water damage and what not.<span>  </span>Then two weekends ago I had my guy friend (we'll call bill) come up to the Bar to meet us because I was going to try and help him find a new girl.<span>  </span>Well my boyfriend got jealous because Bill is cute and my boyfriend started being a jerk so Bill and I ditched him.<span>  </span>The next night I went back up to the Bar and meet my boyfriendand go home.<span>  </span>Well my boyfriend was wasted and when we got back to his dad’s he hit me in the face with a pizza box and then I don’t know really all what happened except that he picked me up by my throat two different times and I gave him a black eye that he could barely open. His father ended up getting in the middle of it and cops were called.<span>  </span>Luckily no one got in trouble or arrested.<span>  </span>So I packed my things and had Bill come back and pick me up. I’ve now been spending quite a bit of time with Bill and I know he likes me quite a bit and I like him.<span>  </span>my boyfriend still wants to try and work things out so I told him it’s going to take a lot of time for me to trust him again and not be scared of him. So I told him maybe we can see each other a couple times a week and he can start proving to me more than just that.<span>  </span>Meanwhile, I don’t believe my boyfriend knows I’ve been spending so much time with Bill nor what I’ve been doing while we’re apart.<span>  </span>I’ve been a bad girl!<span> </span></span><span style="font-family:Calibri">But I’m happier and I’m having a lot of fun.<span>  </span> So anyway Bill is a real sweet guy, he’s fun to be around, he makes me laugh, and he’s way laid back, and would never hit a girl.<span>  </span>He’s a good guy, and a cute country boy. Hmm….<span>    </span>So anyway it’s been quite interesting around here.<span>  </span>I moved back to the house and my brother had our carpets cleaned so it’s not so bad and things at the house are starting to come together a little more and not be such a pain in the ass / mess.<span>  </span>It’s been rough these last 2 weeks because once again my boyfriend lost most of my paycheck at the Casino when I told him $200 and we’ll split it he took out $600 and gave me $250.<span>  </span>Anyway even though the Violence was what made me finally leave, there are many, many, many other things that he does that upsets me, gets on my last nerves and complicates our relationship and keeps me unhappy.<span>  </span>So a lot of those things he has to change and work on in order for me to ever go back for sure.<span>  </span>So I’m trying to figure out if I even want to wait and find out if my boyfriendactually changes and can prove to me the many things he needs to since he wants to keep me forever and marry me blah blah blah.<span>  </span>Yet I think I’m leaning towards choosing to give  Bill a serious chance and not with all this bullshit that my boyfriend is trying to prove that he’s worthy of keeping me.<span>  </span>It’s quite unfair to him.<span>  </span>But Bill knows the situation and has been dealing with it quite well.<span>  </span>Bill is always around when I want or need him around and he has supported me through this bs since the beginning.<span>  </span>He gets along with my brother and helped him fix his transmission the other night he’s paid for any and everything that I’ve needed so far.<span>  </span>It’s absolutely great! So last night I spent the night with my boyfriend at a suite in a local casino which we may get again tonight.<span>  </span>Not sure.<span>  </span>I think I’d rather hang out with Bill. <span> </span>I was thinking about him most of the night last night when I was with my boyfriend anyway.<span>  </span>Well my boyfriend got called in to Drop and he drank so much over the last week because of this we don’t know what his results are going to be he tried to drink a lot of fluids hoping it will be diluted so he’ll have to take it again so he’d have enough time to pass it.<span>  </span>If not the judge can lock him up I think for up to 6 months or something.<span>  </span></span><span style="font-family:Calibri">I’m hoping later on today we will find out his results so we know what’s going to happen. </span></span></span><span style="font-family:Calibri"><span style="font-size:small"><span style="color:#000000"><span>     </span>So last night I didn’t meet my boyfriend at the Casino even though he did get the room and still no test results. I ended up going home and doing laundry.<span>  Bill </span>came over and stayed the night.<span>  </span>my boyfriend just won’t let go of this relationship so tonight I have to meet up with him for like 10 minutes to try and get a decent reasoning out without telling him what I’ve really been doing.<span>  </span>This sucks.<span>  </span>I shouldn’t have put myself in this situation but now that I have and think that I’ve made the right decision then maybe things will start getting better.<span>  </span>All the time I’ve spent without my boyfriend and either by myself, with family, friends or with Bill I’ve been so much happier.<span>  </span>Not depress really at all.<span>  </span>I mean yeah it sucks if I really did just waste 3 years of my life with my boyfriend but what can I do about that? </span></span></span></p>

Anyone who is "called to drop" is someone who has been convicted in a court of law and has to do random drug/alcohol screenings.

However, I don't understand: if Bill was all that and a bag of chips, why is he even your ex?

I agree with Xxxs--you need to find out who you are and quit flitting between men.  Until you do, you will always be at the mercy of someone who has done something to you to where you end up leaving them---first your ex, because he is, after all, your ex and now this dude.

I"d also say to stop drinking--you appear to make bad choices when you go into bars.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 1:29pm

Apparently, I am the only one here who immediately questions YOUR ethics and morals in this situation. Granted, from all you've relayed about your BF, he's no winner and certainly not a keeper - addiction, violence, criminal activity. It's time to get rid of him and hopefully, that's what you've decided to do. But, at what point did it become acceptable for you to go out with him then just ditch him to hang out at a strip club with your ex and spend the night with this other guy? Who does that in a relationship? Birds of a feather tend to flock together and if you want to start attracting more decent people into your life, it's time to become one yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 7:00pm

What Mav33 said, totally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 12-07-2012 - 11:07am

As others have said, both you and your boyfriend sound like trouble. The boyfriend shouldn't be violent with you and you also shouldn't be getting drunk and going to a strip club with an ex. I would break up with your boyfriend. He actually should have broken up with you, not hit you that time.  Also, it is very important to get therapy for yourself. Without therapy, you'll likely continue in a dysfunctional cycle with the men in your life. You need to take constructive action to break the cycle,.