Anniversary troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Anniversary troubles
9
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 2:35am

Hello all :smileyhappy: 

I've been in a relationship for almost a year, next Sunday will be one year together... First anniversary.

I was excited about the date and expected we would do something special, but turns out he's going out of town to a concert with a friend. He says they've been doing it for couple years, planned it couple months ago (he never mentioned this before), and he will be back in time for us going out to dinner; that would be good if not for the fact that we dine out every week, and use to have little getaways on special dates.

He's 50 and I'm 45, and so far the relationship has been good, but this anniversary issue has upset me big time. It's not about the date anymore, but the fact that he is sorry but still thinks he hasn't done nothing wrong, after all he will be back for dinner! I feel postponed and wonder if this is a signal that sadly I'm not a priority in his life.

I learned the hard way that when one bend too much in a relationship, end broken. I'm considering breaking up but I love him and I'm confused of which way to go. 

Any advice?

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 12:33pm

I'm thinking you're making way too big a deal out of this.  I've never really celebrated an "anniversary" of dating and still don't think it's a big deal.  I wouldn't expect any kind of special celebration about it.  I think things like birthdays and holidays would get special celebrations.  I didn't celebrate anniversaries until I got married.  So maybe he feels more like I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 5:54pm

 I think you're over-reacting to this issue.    Disappointing?  Certainly.   Break up?  If all else is good, this shoudn't warrant ending the relationship.

My partner and I also celebrate our dating anniversary (we're not married, but been together 20 years this year).   We go out for dinner on our anniversary night and go away for the weekend sometime during the same month when it's convenient.

If he turns up for the anniversary sober (after being out with his mate!), nicely dressed and gives you a good evening, simply postpone the weekend away till a time when it suits both of you.   This way you get two celebrations ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 6:44pm

I've gotta add:  We met on a weekend which contains a public holday, so instead of celebrating on the date we met, we celebrate on the Sunday of the holiday weekend.    Anyway, the powers that be moved the Rugby Leage Grand Final (Australian version of the Superbowl) to that same day - and I'm not interested in football!    But like it or not, our anniversary now has to be worked around the football and the associated gatherings for it.

It's not ideal, but it can be worked around.   Hence having our night away on a different weekend.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 11:41am
If he was showing a pattern of disrespecting you or not making you a priority in his life, then I'd say you have an overall problem with the relationship, not just anniversaries.

If you are happy with him otherwise in the relationship, then I'd say you cannot see the good relationship forest for the one anniversary tree you have an issue with.