He worships the ground I walk on, yet a part of me is still not happy with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
He worships the ground I walk on, yet a part of me is still not happy with him.
7
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 1:12pm
This is our second time trying to make our relationship work. We dated in high-school when I was 16/17 & he was 18. We dated for 11 months in high-school & he was my first love. The relationship started out wonderful but later im the relationship my feelings began to change. Neither of us had cars & could only see each other when we could get a ride.We never went out on dates because he never had any money. Basically it was a telephone relationship & i didn't want that. His prom was coming up so i tried to make the best & for a while i did but then came his graduation.He played football & had a lot of schools offering him scholarships to play for them. The one thing stopping him was that he hadn't taken the ACT. Scholarship or not, you can't go to college without act or sat results. I stayed on him about taking the test but he always had an excuse, & was waiting for others to do everything for him. I hated that he would never man up to his responsibilities. Shortly this drove me away, i broke up with him. He took it extremely hard, me not so much i moved on but every relationship after that resulted with me being the one heartbroken. Five years went by & he reached out to me again in late November 2011, we have been back together since then. I got back with him thinking things would be different & i am trying my hardest to make it work. It had been almost two years since i have been in a relationship prior to this, so i thought i was ready to be committed again. And thought why not try & make it work with this man that I know honestly cares & loves me. Things have not been so bad, but sad to say i feel they are still the same from when we were in high-school. He still has no job, no car, currently not in school & I have all three car job & full-time college student. Since we've been together i had to do the same thing to push him to finally get enrolled into college, so a little progress. But still i am unhappy with the way everything else is going. It feels exactly the same to me. Im trying to make it work because when i talk about me not being happy he always says please don't leave me again Ill have a nervous breakdown again & things like that. I don't want to hurt him again, I hate that I let the relationship get back like this. Do i stay & try an make it work? Do i really want to leave knowing that i probably will never find someone who loves me as much as he does. Im so confused i feel like i should stay simply because of how strongly he feels, but even though he loves me, is that enough? Part of me believes sometimes love isn't always enough because if it were, I would be happy, but sadly i am not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

You feel that things are the same as they were before because they ARE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Bee_mo, Geoteo is right.

And I just want to add that instead of having sympathy for the nervous breakdown talk, you should view it as yet another fault.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

A Part of you isn't happy with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012

I thank you all very much for your feedback. And all of you guys are right. Everytime he and I discuss this situation, he tries to tell me ways on how it is not the same as before but in actuality it is. And now that I have spoken to him about it and let him know that I need to see more from him, he says that he will do more. He's now been trying to do more applications and get a job. still it will be so hard for me to break up with him again. He cries when I speak about me leaving. I don't want to hurt him but I know I deserve better. All of my friends tell me that I deserve better and should leave him again but I am not sure on how to do this. what to say? I know he will be very emotional, and cry and beg for me to stay. This is very hard for me, please, tell me how to go about doing this, especially when TOMORROW is Valentines Day. I know I need to end this, it has gone too far, how to do this without feeling horrible about myself for once again leading him on, and then to leave again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You need to stop feeling guilty!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You seem to think you should make a relationship work because of how HE feels about YOU.

He worships you, he loves you, he cares about you, he can't live without you...

I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who was so incredibly smothering and NOT wanting to run away from him. Of course love isn't enough but when you think about it, HE is the one with a tremendous amount of love for YOU, not the other way around. And really, is this truly "love" or is it "dependence"?

This isn't healthy. Another person should be able to survive on his own without you. If you are honest with yourself, you are staying with this man because he has successfully made you feel guilty enough to not break up with him. You can't be happy in a relationship like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

Good advice from the others, I agree with crab - make your plans, and when you are set, sit him down and have a VERY short conversation with him. All he needs to know is that you are not happy, and this is not working out for you, and it is time to move on. Know that he will cry and promise to change and say whatever he thinks he needs to say to keep you around. Don;t let it spiral into a big dramatic scene, that will not do either one of you any good.

Once its over and you are away from him, call one of his friends or family and let them know, just for his sake. Again, you don;t need to get into a conversation with them, just let them know you broke up with him and he could use a shoulder.

Then run away and live the life you deserve - you sound like a strong and independent woman, and you will be amazed at how much better a relationship you will find with a man who compliments your strengths,