I am confused

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I am confused
4
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 11:36am
Hello

I have been with My bf for a yearr now. We live together. Durimg the week he lives with me and on the weekends we libe at his plave at the lake which he recently bought. He claims it is our house but technically it is his. He says it is our retirement home. Thing is he keeps referrimg it as his house when he slips. I dont feel like it is my house even though he says he couldnt aford it unless he lives with me during the week as it is closer to his job. Basically i support my house he supports his. If it wasnt for me he wouldnt be able to afford his house. It maks me upset when he snd everyone says his house when i put effort into it. Am i over reacting?

Best
Nanc
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 12:36pm
If your name is not on the deed then it is his house. You are not married so obviously you would have no claim to it if you broke up. After only a year it seems somewhat early to be talking about it being the both of yours retirement home but thats not the issue here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 8:12pm

>>on the weekends we libe at his plave at the lake which he recently bought. He claims it is our house but technically it is his. He says it is our retirement home. Thing is he keeps referrimg it as his house when he slips.......It maks me upset when he snd everyone says his house when i put effort into <<

It IS his house.  Saying 'our' house is his way to try and make you feel included.    Personally, if my name wasn't on the deeds, I'd only put in the amount of effort where I would feel no resentment if we broke up tomorrow and I got nothing.      If you enjoy decorating or whatever, keep doing it.   If you hate doing it, then stop.    But unless the two of you marry, don't delude yourself that this is a joint house.

>>If it wasnt for me he wouldnt be able to afford his house. <<

Does this bother you?   If so, what kind of change would you like to see?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to:
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 11:32am

Of course it's not your house--the lake house is his house, and your house is your house unless you both change your deeds to include the other.  I don't know why you'd be upset at him calling his actual house "his" house when it is.  He might say that the 2 of you can retire there but of course that's if you're still together then.  Since he is staying at your house more than at his own, is he at least buying food?  I wouldn't be contributing any money toward the upkeep of "his" house.