i dont know what else to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2012
i dont know what else to do...
5
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 4:57pm
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and i cant stand it anymore. He is controlling and insecure and has an issue with everything i do. He tells me im fat and i need to go to the gym. So i go to the gym and a few months later he starts screaming at me because i go to the gym everyday. He goes out on his days off or stays at home and plays video games but when i go out he tells me i need to stay home and clean the house. I dont understand. And we dont do anything together but when we do he is always on his phone. I cant talk to him about anything because he just gets up and walks away. I feel that the only thing left to do is get out of this situation because i dont want to live my life like this. The relationship has been like this for a long time and its actually been worse. I go back and read my live journal and ask myself why ive dealt with this for so long. If i cant talk to him and tell him how im feeling then is their any hope?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 5:53pm

Your relationship sounds like a nightmare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 7:12pm

Why would you spend any more time w/ this horrible guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 12:04am

You know exactly what you have to do.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 6:34am
No, there is no hope. Your boyfriend is psychologically, verbally, and emotionally abusive and he is not going to change. You will never be happy as long as you remain with him - for the sake of your emotional being well, please leave him immediately.

Read this article on warning signs that you're dating a "loser" or in other words, that you're in an unhealthy, toxic, or even dangerous relationship: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Note number 3 "Frightening Temper" - he screams at you because you go to the gym everyday.
Number 4 "Killing Your Self Confidence" - he tells you you're fat.
Number 9 "No Outside Interests" - he is allowed to go out and have fun or play video games, you have to stay home and clean. You're not allowed to go to the gym everyday.
Number 19 "Discounted Feelings and Opinions" - you can't talk to him about anything without him getting up and walking away because he doesn't want to hear it, he has no interest in how you feel, it's not important to him.

Read the other points too, there may be more which apply to him that you haven't specifically mentioned to us.

You know what you need to do - you said yourself you feel like the only thing left to do is get out of this situation and you are absolutely right. You say you don't want to live your life this way.. so don't - get out asap.

The article also has advice on leaving the relationship but it's mostly based on if your partner is dangerous and you feel he may physically hurt you if you try to leave. This may not apply to your situation but there is no harm in being cautious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 5:24am
" If i cant talk to him and tell him how im feeling then is their any hope? "

No.

Effective communication is the key to any succesful relationship.If you are not able to talk to him then who would you talk to ?

As it is, the examples youve given are of abusive nature .

Walk away before you lose your remaining self esteem.