I think my boyfriend is becoming bored with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
I think my boyfriend is becoming bored with me.
10
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 4:52pm

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together now for 4 years. He is 38 and I am 22. You may also need to know we run a business togther and he has a 14 year old from a previous marriage and we have a 9 month old together. We also run a business together and are around each other almost 24/7 which can be stressful at times.

 

Before I became pregnant are love manly sex life had gone down hill. There was not a whole lot of kissing, holding hands, sitting next to one another etc. I thought it was because of the stress at work and it would go away on its on as soon as we had it up and running. We didn't really have a chance before I became pregnany. It was a really difficulty pregnancy, I became extermly depressed thinking I had ruined my life being so young and getting pregnant. However, I had my son and I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world! But it did put a lot of strain on our realtionship, me acting so crazy.

We got over it or so it seemed. Even now though, we still arnt lovey dovey and hardly ever have sex. I put it upon my self to fix the situation. I decided if I wanted sex I was going to have to be the one to initate it. So I started trying different things and fulfilling some of his "fantasies". He seems to never intiate it anymore even if I come to bed naked. I'm not trying to brag or anything but I look the same before I got pregnant, I am in great shape so I know its not that. When we do have sex it lasts a whole 5 sec and he dosn't ever want to go for round 2. Its like he just wants to get it over with and go to bed. When I asked him about it he says hes stressed and tired.

I dont know how much longer I can stay in a realtionship like this. I want someone to adore me as much as I adore them. Do you think hes just not interested anymore, hes old and he sex drive is lacking or maybe hes cheating on me. I dont know what the hell is going on. I am going to suggest therapy but when we attended while I was pregnant,  we were hurt for 6 days afterwards then we went back the next week and were emotionally exausted for the next 6 days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 6:52pm

So you went to therapy twice and quit?  You didn't even give it a good try.  You have to go for several months before you can evaluate whether or not it is helping.  It's as if you had an injury to your arm, and needed physical therapy.  You don't go twice and quit because it hurts--otherwise it will never get better.  I seriously encourage you to try it again, a fair trial this time.  And 38 is not old.  At 38, a man should still be sexually vigorous.  If he isn't, the first place to look for help is in his doctor's office.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 6:57pm
We actually went for 6 months every week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 6:57pm
I meant that as an occuring situation not that we only went twice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:43pm

It seems like he is unhappy w/ the relationship but probably doesn't want to leave because you have a baby together.  Let's face it--most older guys who date younger women are having this kind of fantasy live of wanting the young hot woman so they can feel young and then the fantasy is being exchanged by the reality of working and having a baby.  I agree that 38 is not that old so that his sex drive should be so low. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 1:52am

Pbritt, at 38, he's hardly 'old'.   I think you've given quite a giggle to the older posters here.  

Anyway, I notice that you're focusing on your physical appearance as reasons that he'd want to have sex with you.  But really, that's only part of the equation.  Your personality has far more impact on whether or not he wants sex.

Are you emotionally desireable?   Do you still make him laugh?   Does he feel cherished by you?  Do you avoid nagging him? Do the two of you have a relationship where you enjoy the other's company?   These things are far more important than the physical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 5:37pm
We are usually great with one another. We are great together at work but lately not so much. I'm not as affectionate or fun/generally friendly because our issues are making sad/ resent him a little. He said he will go to couples counseling but he doesn't think we have any problems. When I try to express these feelings we end up in a huge argument and don't talk for 2 days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 5:38pm
When I try to express my feelings we get into a huge fight and we don't talk for 2 days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 9:05am
If you can't express your feelings without a fight resulting, then you NEED counseling--your feelings are as valid as his. It's interesting that he doesn't see this pattern as a problem in your relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 11:10am
One thing I was thinking is its probably not healthy us working together. There cannot be two bosses. What I find important, he does not and vice versa. This causes arguments that roll over into our home life. Honestly if we didnt have a son together I would have already left but I feel I owe it to my son to try.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 7:57pm

You might be interested in checking out CritiqueMe.com in order to get advice and feedback from your friends anonymously. Instead of asking strangers relationship advice questions such as this, you could ask your close friends, and even your boyfriend directly. They can share their feelings honestly with you because it is totally anonymous!