My partner threatens to leave me whenever he does something to hurt me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2012
My partner threatens to leave me whenever he does something to hurt me!
9
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 5:01pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
It sounds like this guy is somewhat abusive. He does hurtful things and then takes a while to acknowledge them. It sounds like he has anger issues that need to be dealt with in counseling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Proudmum, I think it's time for you to bring on that strong, independant person lurking inside you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010

He sounds like he may have Borderline Personality Disorder. A person in my family does something similar, where they will get into a conflict with someone, not be able to admit their part in it, and when they "rehash" the situation, their perception of what happened is very skewed. There are other symptoms of the disorder, if you look it up

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

People see you as a strong independent woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
I also think it is Borderline personality disorder. The good times are great, but the bad are big time heck, skewed, the return promises are wonderful, unfortunately they don't and can't maintain that. Their world is black and white and the injustice is always upon them. Most of us know the world is not as simple as black and white. BLPD is something that can be helped with medication, but many never get diagnosed or feel better and drop the medication. Take care of yourself and your child, you both need to come first.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

This sounds very similar to the behavior of my exH who has bipolar disorder--of course I didn't know he had that until after we got married, but I should have just left him long before that & refused to put up w/ his issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Or he could have NPD (narcissist personality disorder) In the end no amount of niceness and caring can compensate for all those angry outbursts and hurtful words that come with them. BTDT. Would be great if we all had a crystal ball and could see what we were getting into ahead of time. Good for you that you got out of that marriage.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

You can put a label to his behavior but what it comes down to is that this relationship will be very toxic for you and your daughter. Please get out now.

Read this article on warning signs that you're in an unhealthy or even dangerous relationship: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Note that number 3 is "Frightening Temper" - in this case, he blows up over minor things.

Number 7 is "It's Always Your Fault" - he manipulates the situation so he is never to blame for anything.

And number 8 is "Breakup Panic" - he panics at the idea of a break up UNLESS it's his idea and then he'll drop you like a hot rock, sometimes over even the most minor things. The article focuses more on the panic breakup when you try to leave him but in your case, the issue is more the being dropped like a hot rock when it's his idea.

Also, take note of number 4 "Killing Your Self Confidence", in your case, he makes hurtful and insulting comments, sometimes in the form of a "joke", sometimes during his rages.

Lastly, your comment about being very happy inbetween these incidences reminds me a bit of number 6 - "The Mean and Sweet Cycle".

You are not going mad and you are not to blame. And getting caught up in a relationship like this does not make you weak, just human, so please don't be embarrassed. In fact, he probably relies on your embarrassment to keep you around so he can continue to abuse you. I believe you that you are strong and independent which is why I know you have the strength to leave this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

And where is he going on these week long breakups? Guaranteed he isn't sitting at home alone. The man is psychotic, get away from him. ANyone that blew up at me in front of my daughter would be gone. As a matter of fact, that is what made ne leave my ex, his going off on me in front of our kids. We are not only their role models but their protectors too, and the kids always have to come first over a man in these situations.