Shocked! What to do know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2012
Shocked! What to do know?
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 10:52pm

Ok here is my story....sorry its kinda long..

First off, We have been together for 8 yrs. We live together and have a 18 mth old daughter together. And we have been a little rocky lately, just not getting along a little distant. I had a gut feeling something was goin on, he had been hiding in his shop til late at night and coming in the house after I was in bed (almost every night with no good reason why). So I read his cell phone, and found out he had been talking to my BEST friend via text.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 12:31am

It's bad enough when a man cheats.......but when it's with his sister in law, then he's a snake!

Does your brother know what's going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 12:43am
First off the most important thing is to trust your instincts. The reason you looked at his phone to begin with is because your gut was telling you something is up. If they were planning to "meet at that same place as before" that would tell me that they have been meeting each other somewhere. Probably explains all those late nites out. Then he lies to you that he's "meeting a male friend" and you find out he really met her. Then he says he tells her "things about himself that he doesn't tell YOU" HIS WIFE. Not to mention talking about" favored sexual positions". And now he knows your on to him so he is keeping his phone locked up in his car so you don't have any way to access it. I would say if you put this all together that there is a 99.9% chance that they are having an affair. Does your brother know all this is going on? Has he noticed his wife has been staying out late recently? What would I do? First off I would NOT accept the phone being locked up in the car. If he isn't willing to be an open book with his phone that means he IS hiding things from you. I would demand that he leaves it out in the open when he's home. If he doesn't agree to that I'd leave, cause that alone would speak volumes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 9:14am

What I would do:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 9:29am
About your BF, by allowing himself to open up to someone else when you are his primary relationship is a sign he is not happy with himself and your relationship. The flirting / affair is a bandaid for deeper issues. His not sharing those issues with you, shows a lack on intimacy on his part.

His locking up the phone tells me, you have more to distrust, the things going on are still in play they are just being more cautious. They are both lying to cover their tracks. Affairs are hard to end even if they are wrong. They are like a drug / a fix, the sad part is they don't fix anything. He chose a member of your family, she will always be a part of the picture, there is no keeping him away from her as long as she is a member of the family and as of right now your brother doesn't know.

The thing you need to remember is, this is NOT your fault, that lies within your BF, he has issues and is not willing to share them with you.

Your relationship will never be the same. You deserve better, end the relationship and find someone who can be open, honest and share intimacy with you and only you.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 7:00pm

IMO you both need counseling.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 9:42am

I don;t agree at all. Yes, what happens with a therapist is confidential, but no way should he be having conversations with her SIL that he can;t have with her. That is toal bs.

Leave him, get child support and tell you brother exactly why you left. He's a liar and a cheat and that will never change.