Should I forgive him or move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Should I forgive him or move on?
6
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 10:06am

I just discovered that my boyfriend has recently cheated on me (emotionally not yet physically). He has been living with me for over a year now and we get along great. We are always together and I thought we were both happy together.A few days ago,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 11:31am
Yes you do make it very clear to him how hurtful this was to you. And you need to ask him "how he can guarantee you that this won't happen again". Maybe the fact that this happened at all should tell you that he is not good at long term relationships. Sounds like he got bored and wanted an ego boost and some extra attention. Ask him what was missing in your R that he had to go seek out attention from someone else. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 12:16pm

First of all, you have to understand that there are SOME men who can be perfectly happy at home, in love with their partner and have no desire to leave them..........BUT, they haven't got it in them to be faithful!

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 1:46pm
Whatever you do, you should not just act like nothing happened and go back to normal. If you decide to stay with him, he needs to understand not only how badly he's hurt you but also that he has lost your trust and will need to build that back, which will take time. He can not expect you to just "forgive and forget" the moment you decide to stay together. This is something you'll both have to work through. If you can afford it, I suggest you go to couples therapy to help you work through this and learn how to build the trust again.

That said, I personally think this is likely to happen again and that you shouldn't stay with him. If he "got scared" just because this is the longest relationship he's been in (and when it was a great relationship with no real problems), he's not likely to suddenly not be scared anymore. Being scared of a long term relationship suggests he's scared of commitment and will be unable to make one.

The other possibility is that, as peacyma suggested, "getting scared" is just a cover for the truth: he got bored. Personally, I think this is more likely to be the case. He wasn't scared to move in with you over a year ago - why is he scared now? What is he scared of? Being happy? What a bunch of crap, if you ask me. But if he got bored once, he'll get bored again.

Personally, I think you should end the relationship but I know that's easier said than done. Just be aware staying together won't be easy either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 10:43am

How long have you been with this guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:18pm

once a cheater always a cheater. You have only lived together a year and he is already engaging in inappropriate behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 1:15pm

"Several years' may be an over estimate in a best case scenario.

In my case, I put the impetus upon my gf to convince me how she was going to regain my trust. In the meantime, I had no communication with her other than reading her daily emails. After six weeks and some thousands of words later, I only had to ask for a couple of small measures to fill the gaps that she left in her plan.

What I can never understand is why the offended party feels obligated to take the lead in reconciliation when, as a result,