UPDATE!!!! I NEED A MAN'S ADVICE

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013
UPDATE!!!! I NEED A MAN'S ADVICE
5
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 1:02pm

I need a man's advice. 

I have been seeing this guy for 7 months and I love him.  He says he loves me and he can see us together as husband and wife.  We can talk for hours and I feel like I can tell him anything, but it has been different lately.  He is younger than me by a year.  I don't have a problem with that, but I can still see the immature mentality he has at times.  The issue is, I feel alone in the relationship now.  For the past month, we haven't talked like we usually do.  I don't see him as much as I use to.  He claims he is always tired and I understood because he works 12 hour shifts.  When I tell him I miss him or I love him, he either doesn't respond or he gives me some off the wall response like how's your day going.  I'm very understanding, but I am not naive. I'm very busy myself with two jobs and school, but I always find the time to text him or respond to him.  That’s my love, so of course I'll make sure I give him the attention he deserves...but the same isn't being reciprocated to me.  That is why I am here asking for advice.  I think he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore.  I just feel like if he really loved me and cared than he would find the time to text me back or come see me.  He text me the other night and said he was going to send me flowers, but he decided not to because he didn't know how I would react.  Of course I thought...you are full of it. I told him I would have loved them, thinking that maybe he will just send them now that he knows how I would react.  I thought wrong.  I never received flowers and I haven't heard from him since that night, which was 2 days ago. I try not to think negative, but I can't help it.  I've learned from my last relationship and I am trying not to bring the baggage into this new one.  So can someone help? I am all eyes! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 5:48pm

Seemingly his attention is elsewhere but can' say this is for sure. 

All I know is I've been married over 35 years. My wife and I have 4 adult children.  Even now it is a priority in  each of our days to keep in touch.  Text, email, phone call any or all of these.  I still can't stand to be away from her very long but do keep myself  in check when life's circumstances  call her away.   Love is many things including patience.   And when I  am driving home from work,  I am still excited at the thought she will be there to greet me.  And if she is at work and I am at home,   I try to have a warm meal and a pleasant smile to show thankfulness.  I am so glad when she says, "It's good to be home."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 8:39pm

OK, I'm not a man but I had to add something.  That comment about the flowers was just odd--how would you react?  Would any woman receiving flowers from her BF think "wow, that's just terrible that you sent me flowers?"  Saying "I was going to do" something nice for you and then not doing it is lame--it's even worse than doing nothing, because it causes disappointment.  You probably weren't thinking about flowers before and missing them, but now you are.

I just think women's intuition is very strong and you should listen to yours.  I remember having a BF for over a year and we had also talked about marriage--like we were young & not ready but it was like I could see myself marrying you, then all of a sudden he started acting different.  I picked up on it & even asked him if he wanted to break up.  He said no but then a few months later, he said he wanted to see other people.  I think he didn't have the nerve to be the one to break up but finally he just treated me badly enough that I broke up with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013
Sun, 09-15-2013 - 9:12am

I want to thank everyone for responding.  I didn't want to be naive, because I was in a relationship with my ex for almost 5 years and he totally disrespected me.  I didn't want to be that girl that thought all guys were the same.  I thought this guy was different because he did things that my ex didn't do.  But I also picked up on some things that weren't right.  Now I am completely confused because I believed he loved me and I believed he cared for me. I didn't want to believe all the things we talked about were feelings that weren't real.  I woke up at 5 a.m. thinking about this and I texted him 2 hours later asking if he was okay since I hadn't heard from him.  There was no response.  He does usually respond even if it is vague.   I guess it's time I stop being and idiot and just let things be.  I really wish people wouldn't play with someone's feelings like this and at least have the courage to tell them the truth.  Apparently I was just caught up in his game.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 7:43pm

I knew he was going out of town for the weekend, but whenever he goes out of town we always stay in contact. He said he left his phone at home….which I find hard to believe. Mind you this does not excuse why he didn’t text me back Friday morning because he was still in town. Also, when I called his phone it didn’t go straight to VM. It was ringing…I would think after 3 days your battery life on your phone would be dead. So…with that being said I am slowly but surely stepping back. I believe this was a sign that I should not ignore.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 4:27pm

He is trying to avoid you and you are correct, he does not feel the same toward you as you do toward him. I highly doubt that he really felt toward you as he claimed and the comment about he could see marrying you, that sounds like he was telling you what you wanted to hear and what he thought you wanted to hear. I think its safe to say you should move on from him.