We are supposed to be getting married in 70 days!!!!! What is UP with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
We are supposed to be getting married in 70 days!!!!! What is UP with him?
79
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 8:28am

Hi all,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2010

Firstly, I am sorry to have read through your post, it sounds like you are going through some difficulties with this man, all centered around money.

You're clearly a determined individual where you went back to school after several years of raising children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003

we had an agreement that I'd pay him 800/mo. and buy groceries, pay the cable, phone & internet that was made b4 we moved here....it was all I could afford in addition to paying my own car payment & other bills.....

I also have a pension coming to me from my exhb.

He really doesn't have much to worry about, and he knows about all these things I have coming...?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2010
Are they already established? My apologies- I didn't read thoroughly enough. So you are already paying $800/month which is what you can afford. Is this correct? If so, then yes, I'd say he has many issues regarding money and holding onto it very tightly. Again, before completely throwing in the towel as it sounds like you've been supportive of each other, have a completely open discussion about financial expectations and see whether you can each come to an agreement.

If you cannot, then you will know what move to make next.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Wow, this marriage sounds like a business arrangement between two people who don't even speak the same language.

"I don't know" is not a good enough answer when you're making a decision to spend the rest of your lives together. Yes, I would cancel wedding plans. It doesn't mean YOU are the bad guy just because you are delivering the news, and any reasonable friend or family member would understand that. All you have to say is "we decided to postpone the wedding while we work some things out". You don't need to go into detail.

This marriage sounds like a bad idea until you learn how to communicate better... At the very least, he is having difficulty figuring out what he wants and so he's picking things to justify his doubts (cats, job). How long have you been together, and how long have you been engaged?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think you need to get your fiance to talk about what is really bothering him and if you can't do it just the 2 of you, then get the assitance of your pastor or a marriage counselor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003

We've been together since Aug. 2010, 1 year and 5 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

$800/month just to him and you pay all those other bills? What is he paying? On the surface, it seems pretty one sided.

Has he

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003

He uses that 800 towards the mortgage, elec, gas, water, garbage, and he bought new appliances for this house, is going to fix up the pool w/new liner, pump, etc., he also has another house he's renting out b/c it wouldn't sell,& he's got 2 kids he pays c/s for with one in college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

If your money is being put toward the mortgage, is your name on the deed?

This sounds more like a landlord/tenant relationship than a future marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

I see. Maybe it is all just happening fast for him? Can you get him away for a long weekend, no kids and just time for the 2 of you?

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