Wife left me, now she wants to come back

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Wife left me, now she wants to come back
9
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 4:27pm

I have been married for 7 years when my wife said she wanted to separate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 4:50pm
Hi I am not an expert on these things but they say that when two people separate you should stay alone and not date anyone else for about one year.. You met somone at the 7 month mark.. Okay.. that is done now .. Here is what I would do.. I would get into marriage counseling with your wife asap and see if you can save the marriage.. You have kids and you took vows and all of that so please work on the marriage. Dr.Phil says to uncover every stone and do all you can before you get a divorce.. So do that.. He has some good info. about this on his website.. If all else fails atleast you know you tried to save your family... and your marriage.. and you will have no regrets.. If you do want to go with this other woman think about it?? All the baggage you take from your divorce, your kids, your ex wife just rolls over to another woman and her baggage.. I have been divorced twice and trust me its no fun and its painful and its a ton of work to get divorced. Better off putting the work into saving the marriage.. Cut off all ties from this woman and block her from everything otherwise you cant focus on saving the marriage... You must cut off all ties with other woman 100 percent as statistics say. I mean you were still married but only separated so that was a not so good choice.. Your heart was longing for someone and she walked in.. when you were at your lowest so you dont know if she is a rebound relatioship or what.. Some people would even say it was an affair.. You might want to work on yourself and go to individual therapy and have your wife seek therapy. If all this fails and you decide to divorce then you need help with that and a marriage counselor help with that and also teach you two how to coparent..together and work out finances and all. so you have to decide which work you want to do... Marriage or divorce.....both are challenging... The say you are ready for a divorce when you can walk out the marital door without being angry, sad, mad, frustrated, all sorts of crazy emotions.. You can say to your spouse . It was a good run but its over and I wish you well.. Can you do that right now??? Just my two cents...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 12:28am

You made a big mistake by getting involved with another woman while you were still married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 2:49am

For the most part women don't just walk out on their families for "personal reasons" and offer no other explanation, so I also think your wife was involved with someone else before she left. Things didn't work out with him so she came running back to you. That being said I think you need to do what YOU want to do. The kids are teenagers and are old enough to adjust to whatever happens, and they will. The thing is If your really in love with this other woman and thinking about her all the time, it is going to be really hard to rebuild the marriage. In order to do an honest rebuilding you would have to cut off all contact with this other woman (and no you can't just be friends) If your not willing to do that then your marriage really doesn't stand a chance at rebuilding itself. GOOD LUCK

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 7:10am
" Now, when I’m with her, I’m just thinking about when I get to go home or when she leaves my place."

Then it's obvious you don't want to be with her. So why would you? For your kids? Out of pity for her because you can "see the fear in her eyes of losing you"? You'll be miserable and feel trapped in a relationship that you don't really want to be in and that will just make life miserable for your kids and wife too. When you're with her, all you think about is when you can get away from her. Imagine feeling that way ALL the time if you moved back in together.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 9:27am

Here's my two cents.

The ONLY way I'd remotely discuss the potential for a reunion with your wife at this point is in the offices of a qualified marriage counselor.

This will tell you two things:

1)It will give you the guidance you'll need to either really end the marriage or see any hope for reunion.

2)If she refuses to go, then you'll know she's just got "buyers remorse" and she's not really interested in working on "her issues" and the marriage. Then you'll know you can move on.

For what it's worth, your wife did what a lot of spouses do, they figure they can just declare their independence and leave, and weeks, months, or years later, come back when the reality of their "exploration" turns up nothing. They expect you to receive them back like nothing happened. Truth is, when they leave and declare their independence, they declare yours also, and lo and behold, many people go on with their lives!

Your wife could have worked through her "personal issues" with professional help and under your roof. For whatever reason, her "personal issues" didn't include staying in her marriage and acting like a wife. She chose to conduct herself like a rebellious teenager who wants their independence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 10:03am

I agree that the only way you should make a decision to get back together is if you have a marriage counselor to help you figure out whether or not it's even feasible.

If you're not in love with your wife anymore, and you don't have a connection, then I don't know what to tell you. Regardless of what she wants, you cannot begin to make a decision if you don't know what YOU want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 4:32pm

My divorce, instigated by my ex wife,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 3:35pm

I tihnk we all have those thoughts of "what would do if he/she wanted to reconcile"... my repsonse would be

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2014
Tue, 04-15-2014 - 6:08am

<p><br />Last year I broke up with my girlfriend due to many misunderstandings and I remember very well how hard I had been fighting to get her back. She changed her number, changed her job so that I don’t visit her office and none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended me to contact dr.marnish@yahoo.com that he will help me and as my friend said, dr.marnish helped me to bring back my girlfriend just in 3 days, I now have her back and this is the biggest joy of my life</p>