Well since I can't imagine that a Costco membership is something to get all worked up over, I assume that the real issue is that you're engaged, but not moving forward toward a wedding. If you live 60 miles from each other, I assume that if you were to get married, one of you would be moving, right? Have you discussed this--who is going to move, where you are going to live, etc.? If you have an agreement on that, you could get married right now because you no longer would be living far apart. If you can't agree, and can't resolve this issue, then you'll never get married. but it seems that you have other issues about him not listening to you. So if you do decide to break up, don't make it about Costco, cause he can easily fix that--but what about the bigger issues that are separating you? Can those be fixed? And I'd agree that when you are over 40, it's kind of ridiculous to be engaged for 4 yrs unless there is a very big reason.
Sounds like a good choice. Be ready to be strong, though--he will pressure you to change your mind. He may even tell you that he didn't realize these issues were so important to you, that he'll do anything to keep you in his life, that as a result of this insight, he is a changed man. Not true. Don't look back.