On a 2-week break and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2008
On a 2-week break and confused
13
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 1:18pm

Hello, for the past couple of months, my boyfriend of over 3 years and I have been having major issues--he started acting really

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 2:11pm

Its probably not the pill.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 2:27pm

You don't know for sure it's the pill and he doesn't either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2008
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 2:37pm

Thanks for the response. The only reason he started acting distant at all though is because of my irrational freak-outs. Things were goin great and he was showering me with love, then (this is where the pill comes in), I would start to feel completely insecure for no reason. I remember he went on a trip with friends for the weekend and still called me tons during the day, but I freaked out and got mad/annoyed at him b/c I thought this was a sign he didn't love me enough or something. In hindsight I was crazy to think these things when he constantly told me he loves me, but I was totally out of control emotionally. I could feel it in other areas of my life too. So I'm the one who starts the vicious cycle, which is why I blame myself: Things are great, I mess it up for no reason at all and bicker/start fights with him, he freaks out and closes himself off and gets distant, the more distant he gets, the more I freak out.


I am off this pill

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 2:43pm

Welcome to the board lawyer_runner,


While the pill may be playing havoc with your emotions, it's not playing havoc with his.


Consider this:


When he asks for space (aka, "a break") - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22130.1


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 2:12am

"The fact of the matter is that it sounds like he's very cyclical toward you in his affections."


Sorry, not understanding you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 3:21am

I think it is unlikely that the pill entirely changed your personality and that it is far more likely that you are reacting to his behavior toward you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 8:59am

I am sorry that you're going through such a tough time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 9:07am
I couldn't tell from her post whether he was being distant as a result of her mood swings or if he was becoming distant and this was what triggered the mood swings. I thought the second one b/c her behavior is alot like many girls in that situation. She replied to my post and said her mood swings actually come before the distance. By cyclical with his affections I was saying he is at some points affectionate and making her feel loved and then at other times distant. By my thinking in the previous paragraph, I thought that she was not triggering it with her mood swings. And therefore, guys that withhold affections with no obvious reasons usually are not ready for a committed relationship with the person. Soo....Yes, I misinterpreted her words :) And yeah, if the new BC doesn't work then counseling would be a great idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2008
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 11:27am

Thanks so much for your responses everyone. I just wanted to clarify the marriage thing--of course if he always thought he didn't want to marry me and couldn't see himself marrying me, things would be much easier and I wouldn't actually have such a hard time with this. Instead, when things are good and there are no fights/bickering/signs of insecurity or distance, he said he has progressed in the direction of wanting to marry me (he's only 25 so of course he wasn't ready to be definite either way, and neither am I, I'm only 26 and just starting my career). What kills me is that he switches from

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 4:23pm

You can *say* whatever you want.

Pages