2nd marriage and having problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
2nd marriage and having problems
2
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 2:00pm

I have been married now for almost four years to my second wife. I am her second husband. She has four kids, ex is passed away, she received social security in addition to being a RN. I have three kids, they live with us as well. I receive no support from their mother who is an absentee mother.

Here are our issues. My wife doesn't help out around the house. I come home, I make dinner, I clean up, I do all the household chores, I wake the kids up in the morning, I pay all the bills, I maintain the yard, the vehicles, etc. I ask for help and she procrastinates and puts things off. I have tested her before and done nothing for a week and let them build up and then she will be forced into action and complain and gripe the whole time she is helping.

My wife procrastinates. She won't do anything. She pulled paperwork out of the file cabinet to look for something two months ago, it still sits on the floor. we have a bank account that needs to be closed because of the monthly fees it is eating up and she refuses to do it. Anything I ask her to do, I have to badger and badger and it takes her months to do it. then expects a big old pat ont he back when she finally does it.

She joined a health club and is paying $87 a month. She has had the member ship for 9 months. She has gone twice. I asked her to switch it into my name and she won't do it. She keeps putting it off. I'll do it tomorrow. Never happens.

She has a 15 yo daughter that is destroying our family and marriage and refuses to acknowledge or do anything about. She breaks every rule in the house and goes unpunished. All the other kids now resent her and dislike her and wont' have anythign to do with her. When I bring it up about her daughter, my wife just tells me she will take care of it. When it goes unpunished and I ask about it, I am told to stay out of her business. Nobody in the house is allowed in her room, nobody is allowed to criticize her and nobody is allowed to do the things she does.

This is not what I thought marriage would be. I am becoming disillusioned very quickly with all of this and am feelign like I just want to walk away. I don't want to leave, but I do. I'm torn becuase I can't take anymore of this one way street. We have gone to marriage counselors and we have tried to talk abotu things. My wife's way of talking is to listen, get defensive and then stomp off during the talk.

In addition to all this, my wife has a serious spending problem. We are currently 3 mos. behind on every bill we own. We are broke constantly and that should not be the case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 3:14pm

How long did you date this woman before you married her? How did you not know she had all these issues? I am confused by why you would continue to put up with this?

Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 3:31pm
Did you know about her procrastination and spending problems before you married her or is this a new behavior that coincides with something else?