3 Party Marriage!!! (MIL, Me, DH)
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3 Party Marriage!!! (MIL, Me, DH)
| Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:20am |
Hello Everyone,
I don't know if some of the same people that have posted on the "dealing with in-laws" board are posting here as well, but that's where I had made my initial post, which leads me here.
In a nutshell, I have been having an extremely hard time dealing with my marriage. I'm very young, and my husband has always been supportive and kind to me.
His mother however, as I suppose all mother-in-laws are, constantly runs off at the mouth with whatever she feels like saying, without considering other people's feelings, particularly mine. This (I realize now) is due in large part to the fact that I am LETTING it happen to me.
Thankfully my husband and I had never had fights to begin with, not to even think about ever having HuGE fights. Unfortunately we are CONSTANTLY having HUGE TREMENDOUS fights/spats now and it is all because of his mother.
He had always offered to talk to her time and time again, but I always refused because I did not want her to feel spite for me, or ruin her relationship with her son.
I also was really scared that she would not "really" love me in her heart (which I see now she never did all along, MIL/DIL relationships are all about bullsh!tting the other to stay on their good side).
So here is my current dilemma:
DH has finally decided to not listen to me, and to just talk to his mother about her behavior towards me. I begged him not to, but he is going to. But he has also mentioned that there will be "other" problems later. So I was like what? Huh?
I don't want to have issues with him later, or him blaming me later for any fallouts between son/mother. But I NEED respect!!! I deserve it, because that is what I'm giving to MIL.
I think he may have been referring to the other problems as being that even if MIL treated me better, that I myself would still have something to complain about, so I told him that that was a given, that his conversation with her wouldn't fix all of our marital disagreements/discussions/etc.
So, my BIGGEST concern right now is that my relationship with my husband and my marriage is falling apart.
Our communication with each other has grown impatient and completely aggressive.
We just wanna pull each other's eyes out. My obsession with, whether MIL likes me/DH will hate me after his discussion with her, is eating me up inside and consuming me so much that I often cannot bring myself to cuddle up next to my husband at night, and I just turn around on my side of the bed, with my back to him.
He has questioned so frustratingly why I have a problem with HIM or why I am treating HIm this way, when I am just angry with her. And I say that it has nothing to do with him (which it doesn't; I care for my husband and I don't blame him in anyway for this)...
I don't know if some of the same people that have posted on the "dealing with in-laws" board are posting here as well, but that's where I had made my initial post, which leads me here.
In a nutshell, I have been having an extremely hard time dealing with my marriage. I'm very young, and my husband has always been supportive and kind to me.
His mother however, as I suppose all mother-in-laws are, constantly runs off at the mouth with whatever she feels like saying, without considering other people's feelings, particularly mine. This (I realize now) is due in large part to the fact that I am LETTING it happen to me.
Thankfully my husband and I had never had fights to begin with, not to even think about ever having HuGE fights. Unfortunately we are CONSTANTLY having HUGE TREMENDOUS fights/spats now and it is all because of his mother.
He had always offered to talk to her time and time again, but I always refused because I did not want her to feel spite for me, or ruin her relationship with her son.
I also was really scared that she would not "really" love me in her heart (which I see now she never did all along, MIL/DIL relationships are all about bullsh!tting the other to stay on their good side).
So here is my current dilemma:
DH has finally decided to not listen to me, and to just talk to his mother about her behavior towards me. I begged him not to, but he is going to. But he has also mentioned that there will be "other" problems later. So I was like what? Huh?
I don't want to have issues with him later, or him blaming me later for any fallouts between son/mother. But I NEED respect!!! I deserve it, because that is what I'm giving to MIL.
I think he may have been referring to the other problems as being that even if MIL treated me better, that I myself would still have something to complain about, so I told him that that was a given, that his conversation with her wouldn't fix all of our marital disagreements/discussions/etc.
So, my BIGGEST concern right now is that my relationship with my husband and my marriage is falling apart.
Our communication with each other has grown impatient and completely aggressive.
We just wanna pull each other's eyes out. My obsession with, whether MIL likes me/DH will hate me after his discussion with her, is eating me up inside and consuming me so much that I often cannot bring myself to cuddle up next to my husband at night, and I just turn around on my side of the bed, with my back to him.
He has questioned so frustratingly why I have a problem with HIM or why I am treating HIm this way, when I am just angry with her. And I say that it has nothing to do with him (which it doesn't; I care for my husband and I don't blame him in anyway for this)...
How do we get back to how things used to be?
How do we save our marriage before it falls apart, and how do we regain that conversational respect we used to have for each other. It seems impossible and so hard now that we've crossed that thin, thin line and argue like cats and dogs (or perhaps swine and hyenas).
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP.
I can't take it any more.
=(

I would suggest going to marriage counseling. Yo need to realize that this union is between you and him, not you him and his mother.You two are the ones that are married, she has nothing to do with it and therefore, should have no hold or bearing as to what happens between you two.As much as it your fault for letting her get away with all of this, he needs to stick up for the relationship too.So, if he does want to say something to her, i would let him...In the meantime, concentrate on your marriage, not his mother in law.
Good luck,