4 guys here?!
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| Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:30pm |
i am in that situation right now. i am still very close with my ex. there is still lots of attraction between us but knowing having a serious relationship wouldn't work out, we don't try to go there. there are 3 more guys who are "friends". one of them is pretty open about his interest in me; he tried to hold my hand today but i was hesitant and so didn't let him. it doesn't feel as natural as when my ex and i dated. also there is another very close friend of mine... and also another guy whom i'll be going to prom with soon (in about two weeks) who has liked me for a while; though i have made it clear to the last two that my interest is strictly friendship, they are still perhaps having high hopes; they have been there for me and enjoy my accompany and vise versa.
i am not just quite sure what to do. i do not like to choose particular one. but im afraid they are gonna expect more out of the friendships and perhaps get jealous of one another; or get mad at me for maybe eventually showing favoritism. i hope the situation doesn't escalate into something more than i can handle in the future, but if i really think about it, how long can you possibly remain "friends" with 4 guys before you run out of time? how do the game usually play out? i am enjoying myself right now, although at times its awkward when 2 of them show up at the same time; however, i want to know how the situation usually goes when i might eventually get to the point where the equilibrium collapses.

They want to date you maybe.....sleep with you definitely....but if they're not formally asking you out on dates, and keeping those dates...it's because they've heard so much about you from the ex probably in terms of physical intimacy - that they want to see if they can get some of that action...without having to date.
Please....remember this. If a guy is looking to date he'll ask you out. He won't sidle up and try to steal kisses or hold your hand and just "hang out trying to hook up".
Not that these guys are "after sex" per se....but the reality is NONE of them are formally askig you out. And until one of them does, what you shouldn't do is kiss, hug, hold hands, etc. If you want to hang out with them as one of the guys because you share interests in common - that's fine. But just remember they're hanging out with you - with YOU thinking you're one of the guys - they're very aware that you're a cool chick, and they might be intreested in "action" if it had no obligation to them.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
they have not asked me out formally because 1, i told most of them im not ready for a real relationship. 2, guys test the waters. they hold hands and ask to hang out to see if this is a mutual/reciprocal thing. my main concern right now is not whether they are interested. my concern is what should i do once it gets too out of hands. but then again, the last post have just said its not something i need to worry about right now. but if anyone's been in similiar situations, i just need some info.
You can do whatever it is you all do as a group - athletically or whatever - but realize to a group of guy that you're saying "I'm not interested in dating or forming a relationship".
But, usually young men don't to date or form a relationship - in order to have physical gratification.
That's hte thing...sex is just physical gratification. Only if there is emotional attachment to he person that you're having it with - is it more TO YOU. And if they don't have an emotional attachment to you - then there nothing to it for them but physical gratification.
So these guys are letting you know by attempting to hold hands...that they find you attractive. They're figuring that you've lost your source of physical gratification and emotional attachment. And what they're NOT as aware of is that for you to have physical gratification - you require an emotional bond.
They figure, hey, we're all friends, we all share interests and goals, she's attractive, I''m attractive - what would be wrong with a little physical gratification while we're both "in between" wanting to have "a relationship".
Just throwing it out there..because most guys will have sex with you if you're willing or mak the offer and in that realization - you find that physical gratification and emotional investment are not "directly linked" in men by default of programming. They're not linked in women either - but we get the message from early on that we shouldn't unless we "love" him.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com