4 weeks ago today

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
4 weeks ago today
2
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 12:59am
my husband of 12 years left me. I am not sure how this happens without seeing it coming. He has been saying somethings that have allowed me to get my hopes up like he does miss me and he is not totally sure it is over. On the other hand, right now more than likely it is over. He calls me with little things and talks to me just like he always has (never about our relationship), but about other things going on in life. I am not sure how to treat him, because I am so sad and so angry. I don't want to make him glad he left me but I am not good at hiding my pain either. He has even mentioned that he has no desire to date and even thinks it would be awkward to be with someone else. He has also softened just a little bit compared to what he was like when he first left. Does he really know what he wants or is he just having a hard time letting go? I would love to hear from someone who has gone through this and their marriage survived. Can a marriage be saved if one spouse says the love is gone? He said that maybe someday he will be able to tell me what happened when he sorts it all out. Besides his change in feelings, the other he has mentioned more than once is all the bad choices we've made. But that took two. I wish I could "emotionally detach" myself from him!

Mary Beth
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 3:41pm
Should I stay or Go: How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage, Lee Raffel and Jean Jouston

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page

It's hard when he's leaving you hanging, yet still talking to you like an *old friend* and being unwilling to go to counseling (?) to see if things could be worked out.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 12:02am
I know you wanted some advice from someone who has been through this and I ma looking for the same. My Husband decided 2 weeks ago that he "didn't love me like he use to" and moved out. This was the first time any problems have even come up in our marriage. Now when he calls we chat about everyday things and barely discuss our relationship. He says he will go to counseling but just for hin. I am willing to work on the relationship because I will not feel good about how it ends but if I don't try to work it out. I am in linbo as he says there is no other person but I know that he has been talking to someone else. Please let me know how it turns out for you. I wish you the best as I know how the ups and downs come. Right now my motto is "I will be alrught in the end. If I am not alrught it is not the end."