on & off for 4 years??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
on & off for 4 years??
5
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 11:35pm
I met my current boyfriend when I was 15, Weve been through so much in the past 4 years. I found out my grandfather had cancer while we were together and then he passed away,, he was close to my grandfather too. His father ended up passing away in a car accident due to a drunk driver while we were together also
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 7:08am

I think you should leave this "relationship". You're easily getting duped by him. He gets to have a part-time relationship with you where whenever he wants to sleep with someone else, YOU LET HIM.

This relationship is not good, it doesn't have what it takes to survive in the long run (loyalty, faithfulness). You are fooling yourself to think that this one could ever last and make you happy. You are very very young to stick yourself with this kind of treatment, when you leave this guy for good I want you to be extremely careful not to accept this kind of treatment again because we really do have a tendency to seek out the behavior we're used to from men in our past.

Don't put it off, do it today. There are people who love you and want the best for you, please listen to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 1:25pm
He wants to be with you when it is convenient and break up with you when he feels like being single. You HAVE to separate love and think logically here. Does he make a good boyfriend? Does he respect you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 1:26pm

Welcome to the board andi92889,


You do deserve better. You've proved to him that other than a short break of not seeing each other there are no consequences for him cheating and lying to you.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 2:57pm

Sometimes when a parent times, the child begins to act like the parent who passed away, as a way of keeping them close. He was acting out like his father, and even saying that he was single as his father was. It's good that things are getting better. Sounds like the two of you do love each other, and as you also mentioned, you were both so young when you met. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance. If the pattern begins to repeat once again, tell him that he needs to go to a therapist to understand what's behind it and how to become in charge of his life. Insist that he do this, if he wants the relationship with you. Sometimes it's possible to outgrow a pattern like this by oneself, other times some help is needed. But do give him a chance and also remember to include some professional help if it becomes necessary.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 5:43pm
I would have walked away from this relationship a long time ago. He is much less ready for a commitment than he thinks he is. If he needs to be single, that's fine. However, in that case, he should stay single and play the field. It is really unfair for him to say that he is ready to change and be with you, yet to continue to be meeting other girls on the internet and then breaking up with you when he wants to be with them. After a relationship of several years, you should be willing to sacrifice meeting other people in order to keep things with smooth with the person you are dating. If he's not mature enough yet for that, then he has no business being in a long-term relationship. It's really unfair to you. Every time you let your guard down and think he's finally changing, he pulls the rug out from under your feet and does the same thing all over again. He may be ready to swear on all type of promises. Until he's shown you a different pattern of behavior for a much longer consistent period of time, you should expect more of the same.