4 years and still no ring

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
4 years and still no ring
6
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 3:57pm

Hi,


I've been dating my boyfriend for close to 4 years now (4 yrs in Dec).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 4:10pm

Blondiejo, this is going to be such a hard decision for you.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 5:06pm
"I guess my question is...am I holding on to a man who'll never be able to commit?"
Yes. Probably. After four years he knows you well enough to know if he wants this with you. Honestly: do you really think that giving up any hope of being married is worth being with this man? I think that's the choice you have to make here. He's obviously not looking forward to marriage; if he goes through with it, it will be because you want it and he wants to keep you around. I don't think you're going to make him see the light as far as marriage goes. So you need to think about the cost of staying with this one particular guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 6:33pm

Welcome to the board blondiejo32,


Sadly, if he's unable to embrace his past and all the decisions he's made with at least 'acceptance' I fear he will never overcome his issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 12:46pm

Sadly, I have to agree with the others. After 4 years, a man who's at least in his late 20's sneaks out of moving in while you're out of town? He's no where near ready for a commitment. If marriage is what you want, I think you'll have to have that with someone else.


This is really hard: I'm sorry this is the decision you'll have to make.

baby growth
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 12:52pm

Well, you've been with this man for 4 years, that's a long time. If he was able to commit he would have by now. Sadly, it does seem as though you are wasting your time if what you want is marriage and a family. I would let him know clearly that you do not intend to go on this way, (if you want to marry). Set a time by which things must change. Tell him you love him, but this is not what you want for the rest of your life. He may hem and haw, promise this or that, but the proof is in the pudding. Does he commit or not? If not, move on.


If someone has strong issues about marriage and committment, they do not get worked out magically on their own. That person needs to seek professional help to understand what is causing the difficulty and how to work it through.


Best wishes to you,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 12:53pm
Welcome to the board ceinwyne and thanks for participating.