Is $50,000 a reason to marry ?
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| Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:21pm |
He suddenly became extremely friendly & started talking about marriage and moving in together. And went from 'why wait if we love each other' to being sulky that I didn't trust him enough to marry him. I asked him bluntly if it was because he found out about the money and that there was a lot and he thinks I am getting a lot of it too. He said no and money did not make a difference. But since he jumped from being close but non-committed friends, to 'doesn't stop talking about marriage'. I wonder if it could be because he thinks I have more money that I have and also because it was around the time I told him about the $50,000, whether that was the reason.
Would that be a reason ? Would $50,000 be a reason to marry me or tip him in favor of asking ? Or was it just a coincidence. We didn't know each other for too long, about 6 months as friends and about 2 months as 'more than friends' at that point.
This is probably a really silly question but I just needed to know and if that is why he is with me then I don't think it is a good idea. Oh by the way, after we became serious a few months ago (after the above), he did start making me pay for many things because of his student loans and bills till we had a fight and I said I felt used and he changed and 'we' pay for things together now.
Thanks everyone in advance for your input !!!
Lydia

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Honestly, I really don't like deception, but outright asking him if he wants you for your money is gonna make him offended and defensive, whether his intentions are honourable or not.
'being sulky that I didn't trust him enough to marry him.'
Is he a mature, giving boyfriend?
If he is after the money, exactly how long does he think $50,000 will make him happy anyway?
Tell him that you and your mother agreed that you aren't touching the money and it is now tied up for many, many years. Or tell him you plan to use it to help your mother when/if she ever needs long term care and gage his reaction.
Maybe there is some way that you can make him think that you no longer have any money coming to you. Make him think that you're broke somehow... and then see if he's still interested when he thinks you're a pauper. Tell him that you don't have money to be spending on him or on going out... even if you do! And see how he treats you for a couple of months. If he treats you just as good as he has been... than maybe he isn't after your money and does genuinely care about and want to marry you. But, if he starts being scarce... then you'll know your gut was right.
Just a thought. Women sometimes forget to listen to their intuition. That little voice in your head or that feeling in your gut that trys to warn you about things. Maybe it's trying to tell you something? Then again... maybe not. :) Only you know that. Hope that helps a little. Good luck!
I will try your suggestions and talk about transferring out the money to mom. I know though that he may not believe me, because he knows how much I value having something in my bank account and how scared I am of being bankcrupt. The 'spending it on something' part he will not believe, because he knows I am very careful with my money. But yes I will talk about it being all mom's (except she has a weak heart and he knows where the $ will go next).
The only thing that made me think was, I am in Texas, so if we do get engaged and then married I hear that he gets half of what I have. And my mom is getting more than the $50K in installments that I think he knows about or guesses about. And she has told me clearly its mine (well most of it). So even though I love him, I would really hate it if things didn't work out and he walks away with half of what I have. 50K may not be much but for me it is a helluva lot of money since I have had to work so hard to get the smallest amount of money saved up.
Thank you for your replies again, it definately helped knowing I was not being paranoid and it was a valid thought. Incidentally I didn't ask him rudely, just jokingly, about whether he wanted to marry me because he thought I had more money coming in (yes I know, he won't say yes even if he was thinking about it). About him being a mature/giving boyfriend, not really, but he said he will work at it and he is. I can see him make the effort especially after we almost broke up and I told him he was taking advantage of me making me pay for everything. He said he doesn't want to lose me and stopped doing that. He said he wants to make this work and is learning because this is his first serious relationship (he's 25)
Thanks !!
It sounds like you are more serious about this guy than we thought. If so, there is no hiding that money or lying about it now. And you cannot have it both ways with a prenup. Unless you word the prenup the way you want.
My husband and I worded our prenup so that he gets half the house if anything happens so he is not left out in the cold. I get my other assetts and half our house.
Your boyfriend is incorrect in saying you would not get half the house. You would get half of it if he agreed to it in the prenup. Ask any attorney.
This guy is starting to sound a little bit shady.....and he knows too much or appears to know too much about prenups, etc. No wonder you are concerned...your instincts are trying to tell you something...while your emotions are blinding you to any truth that you might uncover about him.
I agree that he is sounding shady and I would be very careful here.
Yet he is making her pay for half of HIS house payment now, is that fair????
And they have only known each other for 6 months.....wow.
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