Is $50,000 a reason to marry ?
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| Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:21pm |
He suddenly became extremely friendly & started talking about marriage and moving in together. And went from 'why wait if we love each other' to being sulky that I didn't trust him enough to marry him. I asked him bluntly if it was because he found out about the money and that there was a lot and he thinks I am getting a lot of it too. He said no and money did not make a difference. But since he jumped from being close but non-committed friends, to 'doesn't stop talking about marriage'. I wonder if it could be because he thinks I have more money that I have and also because it was around the time I told him about the $50,000, whether that was the reason.
Would that be a reason ? Would $50,000 be a reason to marry me or tip him in favor of asking ? Or was it just a coincidence. We didn't know each other for too long, about 6 months as friends and about 2 months as 'more than friends' at that point.
This is probably a really silly question but I just needed to know and if that is why he is with me then I don't think it is a good idea. Oh by the way, after we became serious a few months ago (after the above), he did start making me pay for many things because of his student loans and bills till we had a fight and I said I felt used and he changed and 'we' pay for things together now.
Thanks everyone in advance for your input !!!
Lydia

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I really enjoyed living alone too. Maybe you should get in touch with what makes you nervous about that option too.
But you can get your ad up on local college bullitan boards. Get a woman with a job as a roomate. Or look in the paper for roomate ads. I found a huge beautiful house once where 3 women rented there. My bedroom was big and had a view. The women were nice. That worked out good for me for a while.
You can also put ads up where you work. Tell all your friends you are looking and they may come up with one too. Your local gym may have healthy women roomates to live with.
I am glad you are getting away from this guy. Believe me, when you find that man you truly LOVE, the one meant for YOU, you will thank us later and be glad you waited for him. You deserve a man to LOVE.
This does not sound good. It could certainly be a reason in his mind, especially since he has loans and there was an issue about your paying for things before. Clearly, money is on his mind. Also, you've only known him for 6 months and some of that was as friends. Doesn't sound as though You know him well enough to marry him or that you even want him. The fact that he's jumping on this as soon as he heard about the money is very distressful and doesn't feel right. Take a big step away. Take a good look at what's going on. Some people get married, grab the money and divorce. Anything could happen. There's no reason for you to feel you have to marry him either just because He has suddenly started talking about it. You barely know each other and said he was non-committal before. It sounds as though he could be a user, or someone with a strategy. Take it very, very very slow. Tell him marriage is out of the question for now and see how he reacts. Tell him that the money will be invested anyway in your mother's name and see if he's still so interested in tying the knot.
Be careful and be wise. Take plenty of time, and I mean plenty before choosing a mate.
Best wishes.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
:) Can't stop thanking you both for your advice. Currently I can't afford a 2 bedroom apartment on my salary but I'm gonna do this- I'm starting to collect my stuff so its easier to move & when I do, its right there and I won't have to argue with him as I'm collecting/packing it (official excuse is that I'm just cleaning up). I think I will look for one bedroom apartments in the meantime and see if they have any with alarm systems in them. One (amongst many) of my fears is safety, when I get home. That will give me time to look for a roommate or trying the living alone option again. I like being on my own too, except other than being very lonely, its terrifying when it gets dark and I have to be alone in an empty apartment. Also since I have had silly things that kept happening before e.g. when I fell ill, or choked once and the only reason I'm alive today is because there was someone to call 911 when I couldn't breathe or take me to the hospital when I was too ill to getup (no it wasn't serious, I just made it worse by not taking care of me when I got the flu etc). I know I have issues to work through (fear of being alone, fear of the dark/night, fear of being physically attacked since I heard about a few people I knew who were, fear of driving to work in thunderstorms/sleet/... you name it..) :)
Sigh.. ok I so hope I get through this, but I know I can soooo do without the constant very uncomfortable feeling I keep getting now and having to argue my way through everything. Plus when my money is gone and the next woman with a bank balance comes along, I don't think he will continue being with me. Oh well lets see, gonna do the 'I need space' talk and see his reaction. If he did love me, he wouldn't have a problem waiting but I know he won't because when I had tried talking about moving out for a while, he mentioned that I'll only be coming back to a boyfriend in very high debt if I left. But now I'm beginning to realize I really should stop thinking about what will happen to him financially if I left.
It's probably going to be a little while before I can pack everything, find an apartment and get out but I'm gonna do it.
{{Big Warm Hugs}} thanks again for replying. And I'm sorry I took up so much space/time on the board. It just really really helped talking to someone who wasn't biased and all of you are just awesome when it comes to giving good advice !! I've been getting misty eyed everytime I read your replies. It feels so good that someone cares enough to read through everything I yap about and give their input and not even get anything out of it.
THANK YOU !!!!!
Again thank you so so much for being here. May God bless you all for being the awesome people you are !!
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