6 Month Relationship Standards

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
6 Month Relationship Standards
1
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 2:23pm
Hi All,

Please help me. I have had only 2 boyfriends my whole life and I don't know that much about timing and relationships. My guy and I have been together now for a little bit over 6 months. The problems is that even after 6 months we:

1) See each other an average of 2 days a week (majority on weekends)

2) Don't call each other every day. We will talk on the phone around 3-4 times a week.

3) He says he cares for me a lot and looks forward to us doing all the stuff we talked about doing.

4)I initiate our dates about 50% of the time.

My guestion is that after 6 months, shouldnt we be spending more time together and shouldn't it come more naturally. I mean I look at other couples, who call each other every day and see one another 4-5 times a week. I see couples who are very lovely dovey and call each other every day. I also wanted to note, that he is definitely not cheating on me, its just that we are moving very very slowly. I mean does this mean he doesnt see a future with me.

My thing is that I don't want to appear needy or nag at him, especially when all these advancements in relationships should have come naturally. Again, he is only my 2nd boyfriend and I dont know how relationships should progress after a certain amount of time. I know not all relationships fall into a cookie cutter, timing, but still, after 6 months shouldn't we been calling each other almost everyday and seeing each other more than 2 times a week?

Also, he told me last week that he cared about me a lot, but shouldn't he love me by now after 6 months? Does this mean he never will?

I want to know specifically everyone else's experiences (past or present) with their boyfriend or girlfriend and how they acted toward each other after 6 months?

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 2:46pm
I think you are over analyzing this. Like you said, you know that relationships aren't cookie cutter and that every relationship is different just like every person is different.

1. Seeing each other 2 days a week isn't necesarily bad. Work and school schedules affect this, family obligations, time spent with other friends, and so on. If you'd like to see this guy more often, then tell him so. As long as your schedules will allow it, it shouldn't be a problem.

2. Calling each other - some people aren't they type to talk on the phone and so are. If you'd like to talk to him more often, then call him more often. Keep his schedule in mind though, if he's busy with work or whatever, he might not have time to talk more often, or he may just not be the phone talking type. A lot of guys aren't.

3. He says he cares for you and looks forward to spending time with you - that's great. So he hasn't said he loves you. That's not necesarily a problem. Everyone has different ideas about what love is. For some, they are in love as soon as they feel sexually attracted to someone. For others, they aren't in love until they have decide they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone. Most people are somewhere in between. Focus on how the man treats you. You'll know whether he genuinely cares or not. Any player can tell you he loves you.

4. You initated the dates about half the time - sounds perfect. You guys are pretty balanced in that.

Please don't judge your relationship by other couples. Being lovey dovey and seeing each other often doesn't mean that they care about each other any more than you and your BF do or have a better relationship. It just means that they spend more time together.

Since you asked specifically about other people's relationships, I will tell you about when I first started dating my husband. We saw each other almost everyday. We were in college and had classes together. We would eat lunch together most days and on weekends go out at least 1 night. We had also known each other for about 8 months before we started dating and were good friends from the beginning.