7 year itch?
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7 year itch?
| Thu, 03-29-2007 - 4:32pm |
new here- little background..sorry if this is kinda long. My husband & I will have been married 7 years this Sept. He was married b/f more for a short time & we met after they separtated...things moved quickly & we moved in together. Got married after a couple year-I pushed a lot for marriage and for our relationship. In Jan we have a big discussion and he tells me that he loves me but doesnt know if he is "in love w/me". We really dont fight, we get along well, I let him pretty much do whatever he wants, etc. He is self employed (i make more that he does). We do still have sex 2-3 x per week. He doesn't reject any of my affections. We talk about some stuff. We have never been good at communication really. He tells me he has felt like this the entire time we have been married and when we got married, but tried to ignore the feeling & make it better. I do not believe that he was ready for a serious relationship so soon after divorce. I am 28 and he is 35. He has always been a little immature & likes to have more fun that work. I am so devastated by this revalation because I have always loved him completely and thought he loved me as well. He says he loves me.....but maybe his is missing that spark? Maybe depressed? Maybe midlife crisis? Maybe upset because I have a bigger paycheck? I am so confused. I also found out that after all of this came about he was thinking about buying a camper to live in (we share 10 acres with his parents) and move out for a while. He has since decided that he is going to stay, and we did go to counseling some. The counseler gave us some worksheets to do & things to think on. Hubby says we will start going to church and try what the counselers says. All of his friends and his family think he is crazy for this because we seem to fit so well together. I go from being fine one day to a emotional wreck the next and am not sure where we stand. I love this man so much and am willing to do whatever it takes to make us both happy (even if it means letting him go-which I don't believe in divcorce in most cases- there are exceptions), but I am so scared. Even the counseler said our situation was "weird" because we really dont have that much wrong- just my husband's feelings. Just looking for similar situations, advice, and support. I want our marriage to work & us both to be "happily married". Sorry for the length of this post- appreciate any who read it. Thanks

Welcome to the board heatherhoneyone,
Are you two still in counseling?
glitter-graphics.com
Here is the most important statement;
'He tells me he has felt like this the entire time we have been married and when we got married, but tried to ignore the feeling & make it better.'
He got in a relationship too fast and never admitted to himself that he wasn't ready. Then you push him and he doesn't back down.
This isn't about depression causing problems in the marriage, a 7 year itch or being in a rut. It sounds like he was never strong enough to acknowledge his own feelings and didn't think hard enough about wht he was doing and he took you with him which wasn't fair.
You may not believe in divorce but it only takes one person to end a relationship. I am sorry you are going through this.
I never thought of love being like that- I always thought it was all about the feeling. I will tell my husband this. I will pickup a couple of those books too. thanks!