8 Years Later and Still Waiting

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
8 Years Later and Still Waiting
3
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 8:54am
Long story short, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years. I'm 26 and he's 28. We began talking about marriage, family and building a life together maybe 4 or 5 years ago. And we even looked at rings last year. But as the time has gone on, I'm starting to feel like a fool as all his pretty promises are going unfulfilled.

We were going to move in together last year, but he decided he wasn't really ready and that I should get my own place first and live on my own (I was still living with my parents). So I did and I love it. Our relationship is good, we get along great, he treats me well, although lately we haven't been spending much time together.

He just bought a new car after not having one for over a year and he's planning on buying a house next summer and starting grad school. All of this says to me that he isn't thinking of getting engaged or buying a ring.

I want to take him out to dinner and directly ask him what he really wants. I want to move things forward, but if he doesn't I think the best thing to do maybe is to separate or take some time apart, which is not what I want to do.

But I wonder should I give up his companionship because he doesn't want the same things, or hang in there until he's ready. I'm so stumped on this one.

Opinions, please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 10:58am
Hi:-) If you have the time, read my posts (there are 38 of them) that sound much like yours. The only difference is that me and my SO are in our late 50s and running out of time, lol.

Read them, it may help you to re-group.

Good luck.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 1:00pm
I think that asking him directly what his goals, plans, etc are is an excellent plan. Once you know, then you can figure out if your goals are compatible and decide what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:53pm
I generally agree with you and would add - any question she asks of him and his life goals, she should also be prepared to answer fully and completely. I think there are 2 key questions to ask and answer:

1 - What does a committed relationship and marriage mean to you?

2 - What do youhave to have accomplished in life BEFORE making the committment of marriage?

Its virtually impossible to reach a compromise until both people clearly state their answers to the questions above.