Abandoned & Heartbroken
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| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 9:00pm |
After two years, through good and bad, through a miscarriage, and many travels together- he's gone. I am devastated to say the least.
We had yet another fight about his family. He's very close to them and won't stand up for me. We are an inter-racial couple- he's Asian, I'm white. His family is very traditional, and I am divorced of a 11 year marraige with a 10 year old son. His family does not approve of my son or my situation. I am 'tainted' in their eyes.
My son loved him dearly. Although he already has a dad, my son started calling him 'dad' as they hung out every single night, and on weekends. My son is special- he has a learning defecit- and my ex-fiancee, found his way around it by introducing him to strategy games.
Now, without even a trace, he's gone. He told me on Sunday to pack my things and leave his house. Five and a half months pregnant, I packed my things, loaded them into Rubbermaid totes and loaded them into my Cherokee.
Sunday, I had enough- his brother had told me F-- You C--t for the last time. To me, this was the ultimate form of disrespecting a woman and completely unacceptable. He didn't care. He defended his brother and trash talked me right in front of me. Calling me names, telling me (again for the millionth time) how much he hates me, how I ruined his life, his career, how he regrets ever meeting me. And I stood there, tears streaming down my face, begging him to sit down and talk with me. He refused.
He is not an undereducated poor man. This is a man of two post graduate degrees, an executive who just bought a $330,000 home for 'us'. I can't believe he did this to us.
He told my son and me that he never really loved me, that he just went out with me because he felt pity for me, then guilt over my son's illness. He said he only proposed to me to shut me up because he thought I might stop bugging him.
He hasn't called me at all since Sunday before the break up. I called him Monday night, after crying and told him that I loved him, and how much I appreciated all of the things that he has done for us, that I want to make our family work, and that I can't bear to take off my ring. His reply was "I wish I could go one day without having to hear your voice".
I haven't contacted him since. In the first months of our relationship he cheated on me with one person (not sex, but dating) and a couple of times after that, I caught him with personal ads up. All that stopped, but his online porn addiction was harder to work through. We finally did, though.
I should tell you, I am not planning on doing anything. He says he doesn't care about me or about being a father. My son went into the hospital Monday night and asked to talk with him, that was when I called. He wouldn't talk to my son instead he told me that he's not a doctor and that there was nothing he could or would do.
I feel stupid for even asking, but what should I do? Morally, I am carrying his child. I am a single mother, raising one child already trying to make ends meet and getting my degree. I make a quarter of what he does per year and I struggle every day. He calls me a loser and irresponsible.
Any advice, and or prayers are very much appreciated.
Heartbroken & withering,
Welsh_Lily

You're pregnant with his child? Then you file for child support, of course!
If you can't afford an attorney, contact your local bar association to get one on a pro bono basis (I'm working late tonight working on a child support/custody
I am not bringing 'children' into a world where their fathers do not want them. My ex husband is a great father- always was, always will be. He goes above and beyond for our son both financially and emotionally.
As for the man I was involved with for two years, no one could have predicted what happened. Like I said, he's not an unemployed wanderer- outwardly he had all the signs of good husband material. And as for me, I am working, have 8 months until I graduate from the University with my Bachelors, am taking care of my son -both academically and medically, and am making something of my life. I did not plan to get pregnant- I was on the pill and we used a condom- which means that this child was conceived for a reason, and because of that, I made the determination that I wanted this child and did not want to abort it. That's my decision.
You speak of me as if I am a couch potato popping out children with 17 different men. I'm in my 30's and have had sex with two men...TWO...my former husband of 11 years and my ex fiancee. I would say that your observation is definitely overjudgmental and undeserved. If I truly followed where my hormones led me, I wouldn't have had a relationship with this man to begin with. We were best friends before we fell in love and initially neither of us were physically attracted to each other- that just grew out of getting to know each other better.
Sydnie
Reading your viewpoint helps put things in a different light for me.
Blessings,
Lily
Sydnie
Welsh Lily -
Be strong! Being suddenly displaced with a child and an unborn child seems like the worst thing that could happen. But I see you are already utilizing your own resources and I can tell that you love those children so much that you will do whatever it takes for them. I want to recommend counseling for both you and your son. This loss is devastating for you but moreso for your son and he needs a place to sort through this and grieve. The jerk who did this to you does not deserve you, your son, or your unborn child. I know that sounds like a strong opinion but it's how I see things. Look, you are at the bottom now and the only way to go is upward. And there is so much ahead of you in your future! :) Focus on that and in time you'll be through this and happy with your two beautiful children. :)
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi