About to give up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
About to give up...
3
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:13am
Hey Ya'll, ok I am not sure about all this...but here goes, I've only been in a couple relationships, none of which have been successful at all. In fact, they only lasted about two or three months tops. But I thought I had finally found a guy that was worth torturing myself over (which is how I've come to view dating).

It took him two months of being best friends before he asked me out, and I really liked that because he knew how hurt I was in my last relationship. So we took our time, and now it's going on two months of actually dating (4 months of being "together"). Just recently things started to be weird, and realizing that the fateful two months are almost up, I'm scared that I'm going to lose the guy that I believe I love. We have not had sex (but we have fooled around orally), and we have not exchanged I love you's.

He used to treat me so good, now he doesn't take me out anymore and we haven't had a night alone or even hardly an hour alone for over two weeks. He's been with his friend (who is a really good friend of mine too) 24/7. He wants me to come over, but when I do, he either plays video games or his guitar, or they drive around the yard on their ATV's. I understand he needs his guy time, but I need some time too. I'm so scared that my curse is true and that I'll be heartbroken again in another couple days. It's like they get to know me and then I'm no longer anything but a friend. It breaks my heart, and I've been crying alot because I don't want to lose him! But I don't know what to do! I am afraid to talk to him about it because he might think that I'm making him choose me or friends, but I'm not...I just want a little time with him. I've even played hard to get...and it was easy for me to have another life because of a work and school...I'm just really scared to lose him...he's perfect...and different from any other guy...I can't lose him! Any ideas? Anything is welcome...I'm just about to give up completely! Please help!

Cowgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 5:23am
You have to talk to him about this or the relationship has zero chance of survival. This can be the scariest thing in the world because you are afraid he will tell you he no longer wants to be with you. But it could be that he now feels comfortable enough with the relationship to now spend more time with his friends. Avoiding the conflict doesn't work. Trust me, I avoided talking to my husband about any problems and now he will be moving out this weekend and leaving me, his home and his unborn child. Think about it!
Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 6:53am
Your post is contradictory...you say hes like no other, but then state you have a history of dating progressing into friendship. You say hes perfect but that he never spends one on one time with you or takes you on a date...that wouldnt be "perfect" to me.

Have you ever heard of a "self fulfilling prophecy"? It seems like what you fear most is exactly what keeps on becoming your reality. You are picking the same type of man again and again by the sounds of it. Im a firm believer that you keep getting the lesson until you learn it...and I dont think youve learned it yet.

If what you are seeking is a "dating" relationship, going out on dates, then that must be all that you will accept. Your post reminded me so much of the twenty something version of me...I wanted a relationship so I would take what was offered to me. It was only in my late twenties and now in my thirties that I realized that I have the power to define exactly what I am looking for and to not accept less. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 12:56pm
Thank you for the help, I see where you are sayign that I'm contradicting myself. But he was different and perfect...in the beginning. But now... I just don't know. The first response to my plea said to talk to him...So I think I'm going to muster up that courage and tell him what's been bothering me and see what's up. I am definitely scared to death that his response will be that he just doesn't feel anything for me anymore. But then again...it's better to know than to go on hoping for something that's not. If that's his response, then I'm going to search for something totally different from my "comfort zone" and not settle for anything but what I deserve...

Thanks for the help!

Cowgirl