About to have a nervous breakdown
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| Mon, 02-11-2008 - 2:38pm |
I'm not even sure where to start. I've been seeing my BF for almost 7 months. Since the holidays, we have had a few issues. Mostly him having a lot of new stresses in his life (i.e., new job, missing daughter, loved one has cancer, etc.). I have always tried being there for him. We've been friends for a few years, so it's not like we don't know one another well. Lately though he has just been hurting me with words. He is the type of guy who jokes constantly. Especially if something he says bothers you... he will use that to his joking advantage. Well he tried to break up with me in January cause he had all these stresses. He didn't understand what was bothering him and was in tears for a few days. I talked him through it and everything worked out. I must also explain that he is separated from his wife which is one reason why he misses his toddler so much, although he sees her a lot more than most dads. So anyway, he jokingly broke up with me a week after the initial breakup and I didn't realize he was messing with me. So it got blown out of proportion. Ever since then he does the snide remarks that we are f*** buddies. I told him I don't want that with him. He got mad that I took him seriously. He said he would never treat me like that and I do believe him. But just the frickin' remarks are getting to me. Constant remarks like 'are you sad that we broke up, are you gonna miss me,' etc. Then when i get sad he tells me to stop being sad but will not say 'I'm just joking' or anything. So I of course take him seriously.
He's always saying he needs to roam the earth alone. I give him a lot of alone time. I see him 3 nights a week. So he has time after seeing his daughter to play his games or watch movies, which he does. He gets very testy if I don't IM for a few hours or don't answer a text. He'll say 'where have you been? what's up with you today?' And when he sees that I am truly frustrated by his BS, he'll ask why I'm getting upset. I don't get it. I am constantly teary because I don't know what is going on.
This is a man who I love deeply and he loved me the same. When he feels me getting distant, he will call me constantly and text me. And yet through all of this, we still see each other on our regular days. And I have kids, so some of those days are with them. He loves his daughter more than life itself, so I know he wouldn't play with their emotions. I feel that my personality is different now cause I'm always on guard. Afraid to let my shields down now. So now I am distant cause I'm afraid of smothering him.
This is a man who is very romantic, sensitive and loving. So since the holidays, I have seen this crazy change in him. He does feed off of others weaknesses. It's just part of his personality. He does it to everyone, not just me. I have just stopped replying to his snide remarks which irritates him bad.
On Saturday he was wanting to get a hotel and do an early Valentine's since I have my kids that night. We didn't do all that cause it was getting late in the day, but we did go out and have a great time. He said he wants to do the hotel in March and go out of town for a night as well.
He's just different. Doesn't say he loves me as much and when he does he says 'for now' in his darn joking way. I hate this instability. It is making me cry more often than not. I just don't cry to him. And my appetite is zero. Can't eat at all.
Today was one of those days (I now officially hate Mondays) that he was sad over his daughter and then when he was better he started the f-buddy and breaking up crap again. Also, he is very attractive so he gets a lot of attention from women no matter where he goes. He always tells me this stuff. And always has. Just now I'm tired of hearing it. Is it just me, or has he pushed me away with his over the top blatantly hurtful comments? When I am in a great mood he knocks me down with one of them so then I am sad again. We used to be so happy. Our relationship has of course changed cause we can't just concentrate on us like we could in the beginning. So that's expected. But it's like he enjoys torturing me with the comments and knowing that I can't tell if he's serious. Please, if you have any advice, it is greatly appreciated.

So this sounds kind of similar to my situation...only he doesn't pull the breakup stuff. When things are bad for him, he retreats. The last few weekends he's started going out with his friends alot and then he has attitude with me when i bring up wanting to talk about if his feelings have changed. Then he'll say we ALWAYS have this conversation and he doesn't feel like having it anymore. He says i rehash things...and the truth is, I may rehash things, but his behavior is so hot/cold...I feel like I have to.
Like you, I have kids and he's built a relationship with them.
Sadly, i know what the true advice here is...and that is for both of us to get out. I know that is easier said than done. I can't even find the words and i i know that i will be sooooo miserable without him. But miserable with him stinks too.
Best of luck. You are not alone.
Mine retreats too. Like today he said he's sorry he just feels very isolated right now. That is why I give him alone time and don't call him. But then he gets upset about that. It's like I can't win for losing. I just want to call my mom and cry!
I wish you luck with your situation also :)
Welcome to the board texasgirl08,
You are his verbal punching bag.
I texted my mom (who lives in California) and told her I just need to cry. She is supposed to call me tonight. I got back from picking my kids up from school and I had an IM from the BF saying 'no bye, geesh'
Yet last Friday he went to lunch without saying goodbye, but that was okay I guess. I think he just has me so stressed out that I am retreating bad. I haven't eaten at all (few granola bars). He admitted that he knows me so well that he knows I will not eat if we are having issues. But he forgets that he is causing this.
I wish you luck tonight! I honestly hope it goes well for you.