Absolutely no contact for about a month?
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Absolutely no contact for about a month?
| Mon, 08-18-2008 - 7:23pm |
So title explains where I am with my "boyfriend". I've made a couple previous posts about our relationship, but yeah. How am I supposed to react to having absolutely no contact for a month while in a LDR? He said we'd talk when he comes back to school, but I keep thinking about this future encounter with every possible question I can think of. I know he is busy, but still. I really want things to work out, please help me think of the proper way to approach meeting him in about another week.

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We went into a long distance relationship about 2 months ago. For the first month I was writing him emails about every three or four days. He would write emails back to me, but much less. I knew he'd be really busy this Summer (he runs a business, doing prep work for 2 thesis projects, and hasn't seen his family and friends since winter). However, I was still a little bothered because I had important information to tell him and after I emailed him about it (I hit his car into a metal divider minor damage was done, but still important to talk about) it took over 2 weeks for him to get back to me. At the 2 week mark I sent him an email saying that I was trying to be patient but asking him if he was really so busy he couldn't write me in that amount of time. I went on to basically say if he wanted to break up with me I could understand, if he needed more patience from me I could give it, but just to let me know what's going on. (That's not to say I wouldn't be hurt if he did end the relationship...I do have strong feelings for him).
He responded saying he is and has been really busy. That he didn't want to worry about the car at the moment and that we would talk when he returns to campus (which from that point was about 6 weeks). So he hardly put my mind to ease with that! A day or two later he called to take care of some business with me. He mostly asked questions about school work we both had to turn in (another thing to keep him busy that I didn't mention above) but he did ask how I was and in general didn't seem upset with me. Still, we haven't talked since that.
Can people really put relationships on freeze for a month at a time like this? What do you suggest to me?
Here are your previous posts for others to catch up on your situation:
How do I keep him around?
Saying "I love you" issues...
I'm sure his projects are keeping him busy, but sounds like you've had other issues with him (your previous posts).
It's painful to face the fact that when there's no contact from someone, they are drifting away or have conflict or are just plain not interested. When someone wants to be close to you, they call or connect. Don't take his withdrawal as your fault or as though there is something wrong with you - there are many reasons why men pull away, and many have nothing at all to do with the woman. But, don't sit there hoping, waiting and fantasyzing about him. Stay cool and collected. Build up your own life. Move forward. You can't make a person the center of your life if you are not the center of theirs.
Best wishes,
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Yes the lack of communication does make the intensity recede, but actually, I welcome that change. It doesn't change where I stand with the relationship. I will wait it out for him if he truly needs me to. But, if I'm giving him patience, I should mean something to him - and that is difficult to gauge when there is no contact. Its not like I'm in a hurry to meet somebody else. And I especially can wait it out now that I have made it this far. I really don't know how to be when I meet up with him again either - aside from the advice here which seems to suggests that I simply react to him.
To the posts previous to yours, as briefly as possible: I met this guy in May, we hit it off two weeks later, but then after our study abroad (which was a month and a half) together we had to face this long distance relationship until classes start. Normally I'm really not this insecure about the relationships I'm in, but since it has been so short I'm entertaining all sorts of torturous mind games (mostly that I've been posting here or otherwise keeping to myself).
However, its good to hear that I'm attempting to do the right thing when I'm giving him the time he needs to gets his things done...even if I am failing to improve my life. Really, I've had the intent...goal lists, distractions, physical activities, anything I can think of. I will keep working on the Zen of Doing Nothing. I appreciate all your posts!
Call me a pessimist, but yes, I think it is a bad sign to have your SO enforce NC on you for a month, simply because he is "busy." Yes, people can get VERY busy, but not being able to send an email just giving a general update or an "I miss you" signals something is wrong. Reading over your other posts, it's apparent to me that his and your feelings are probably a bit mismatched. Someone telling you, "Yeah, I think so" in reference to if you two are in a relationship...eh? It's not really a ringing endorsement or anything.
Honestly, I went through something somewhat similar (man, I find myself saying that a lot on here...). My boyfriend had never said "I love you" to another girl before., and was adamant that he had never been in love. To be honest, it caused some problems down the line because he got spooked about the seriousness of our relationship and then decided he didn't really know if he was "in love" or "what love was" and blah...blah...blah. I was also on the mildly clingy side, and long story short, he finally disappeared after two years, after several "breaks" and "I'm too busy"'s.
You sound almost TOO patient. If this guy has already say I love you, then you should expect him to keep in touch with you more than every several weeks, UNLESS there is something wrong. I'm not saying it's a Doomsday scenario, but I wouldn't fool myself into thinking everything's peachy.
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