ADD/ADHD and The Platonic Friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
ADD/ADHD and The Platonic Friend
2
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:09pm
After a few weeks of only "okay" communication, my fiancee' and I had a terrible series of aruguements. We were scheduled to marry this month. The marriage was postponed (from her vantage point cancelled) and subsequently, from her vantage point she is no longer my fiancee' or even girlfriend. Most of this came out during the arguements.

I have ADD/ADHD and I am sure that I can be difficult to work with, but I did not expect things to end like this.

At any rate, during our series of arguements, she confessed to me that her male friend who I have met and on some level have interacted with is someone she dated before me. She has stated a couple of different things about the level of their relationship (from "no sex" to "why don't you ask him"). She states that it only lasted three months.

At any rate it also came out that she happened to spend the part of an evening at this guy's house and this evening happened to be the day before all Hell broke loose. To make matters worse, she has talked to him about our relationship, my ADD/ADHD and our plans to marriage - accroding to her even telling her that I was "stalling".

Even after we spent some time together a few days ago, she still went to his place for a pro football game party. She claims that nothing is going on and that he has always respected our relationship. And also since she is no longer with me (she loves me but "she needs space"), I cannot choose here friends. she has aplogized, but saw nothing wrong with not telling me about their realtionship before all Hell broke loose.

To posisbly make matters worse, I am in a state of flux trying to woo her back and at the same time feeling betrayed. I just sent flowers (Sheesh!)

What can be made of all this.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:38pm
I'm sorry for what you're going through but it sounds like you are somewhat in denial if you're sending her flowers and spending time with her even though she is saying that she's not even your girlfriend any more.

I think your best bet is to stop having contact with her altogether, but let her know before you break off contact that you are open to working things out IF and only if she will go to counseling with you. It sounds like the two of you have many issues to work through if you're going to get back together.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:12pm
She's right that what she does now since the break-up is none of your concern. HOWEVER,

::At any rate it also came out that she happened to spend the part of an evening at this guy's house and this evening happened to be the day before all Hell broke loose. To make matters worse, she has talked to him about our relationship, my ADD/ADHD and our plans to marriage - accroding to her even telling her that I was "stalling".

She did betray you. She shared intimate/emotional things with this guy ABOUT YOU. Instead of discussing the issues with you and low and behold right after talking to him, the two of you break up.... I wonder what was said between them.

Personally, I'd let her go and heal your heart.


Carrie