advice!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
advice!!!
4
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:24am
Well, ive been on my "worrying spree" once again. I keep thinking he'll leave me for someone prettier, that makes better money and that is smarter. I am also worried about my money issues. I owe 2000 on my credit card that ive been paying late because im behind. So my credit is BAD! I keep thinking he'll leave me becasue of that also! ahh!! im so tired of this worrying!! someone please give me some advice!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nikkit7
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:36am

Worrying never solved anything. In fact, it only makes matters worse, compounds confusion. It sounds as if the real problem is not all the things you worry about, but the worry itself. Perhaps you need to find a way to calm down, develop self assurance and confidence and learn how to trust, both yourself and others. When we feel good about ourselves, it is harder to worry about loss or failure. There are many programs and good therapists who can help you build your sense of self. Yoga is also a good way to calm the body and mind.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: nikkit7
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 5:45pm

Have you started seeing a therapist or thought about it. You might also want to check out some self help books. You are worth loving. Both by yourself and from others.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: nikkit7
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 6:01pm

I can't offer much on the self esteem issues, but I will give you some practical advice regarding your credit card.

Hopefully your credit card is from a reputable bank and not a finance agency. If it is with a bank, talk to them about the payment problems. If you owe money on more than one card, see if you can consolidate your debts and refinance at a lower interest rate.

It would also be wise to get a second job to help pay off your card. Bad credit will follow you for a long time, so it's best to get this issue sorted out as quickly as possible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: nikkit7
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:59pm

The advice you have received from the other posters is excellent. Here's another suggestion: Worry induces paralysis. While your mind is running in circles like a squirrel in a cage, you are doing NOTHING to solve your problems--the worrying is all you can handle. To break out of this trap, go buy yourself a notebook. Every day take 15 minutes and declare that to be your worrying time.

The first day you engage in this controlled worrying, write down your problems in the notebook, one problem per page. If you run out of things to write, just sit there and worry about your problems until your 15 minutes are up. The next day, take one of the problems and think of all the things anyone on earth could do to help you solve your problem. Bill Gates could pay off your credit card, Alan Greenspan could tell the bank that you no longer have to make payments, you could pay the minimum balance plus $5 every month, you could get that second job Aisha suggested, you could give up your weekly manicures and apply that money to your card . . . . Then sit there and worry about the rest of the problems until the 15 minutes are up. Keep doing that, one problem per day, until you have a list of possible solutions for each problem.

When your next worrying time comes along, choose one thing off the first list, and DO it (write a letter to Bill Gates, asking him to pay off your credit card. Be sure to include all the reasons why you shouldn't have to do it yourself). If you come up with any other good ideas for solving the credit card problem, add them to your list. Then sit there and worry about your problems until your 15 minutes are up.

In a very short time, you will have your worries under control and will have generated and begun to work on a lot of practical ways to take care of them. Even if you think this will not work, try it seriously and sincerely for a month, and then come back here to tell us how things are going for you.