Advice for My ex gf and i

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Advice for My ex gf and i
2
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:47pm
Hey guys....ive gotten a lot of good advice in teh past so Im gonna try again.

I was with a girl sine I was 16..she was 16 as well and we broke up last year. It was very serious and we still love each other and always think we still may end up together.

She ......cannot hanlde things...she did me wrong..she made mistakes..but for soem reason Im the one to blame. For instance..of course we have seen other ppl while being apart ...I can handle that she has been with other guys but she cannot deal with me being with girls.

Lately we have fought a lot...and Ive pretty muched stopped everything and said "Life is short..I love this girl..lets just stop the fighting and get along" I tried for teh past 2 months almost 2-3 times a week trying to make plans with her..to talk about things and make peace. She comes up with all kind of excuses but it boils down to teh fact that she cant handle seeing me ..cause she gets crazy and upset. She said eventually but not right now. The problem I have is that I dont know whether to believe her or think theres some other guy..even though shes said a million times its not. I try to communicate with her..I try to talk to her..Im putting in all teh effort while she does nothing.

I know obvisouly I should stop this...or should I? Is there a better way to approach this? Or should I just ignore her and let her come to me? Should I make her jealous? Im a big endorser or Dr Phil..and I see her payoff of ignoreing me..avoiding me..as me giving her attention. She thinks she has me wrapped around her little finger and she can come back to me any time she wants. She "has her cake and shes eating it too." What I need to accomplish is to make her think otherwise without comprimising my values..and without making things worse.

To all those people who been in this situation I greatly appreciate any things that worked. Whether I leave away messages that shell see saying "Out on a date"..or simply just not talking to her until she comes to me. I want to do the best thing so eventually shes not taking advantage of me and we both can takl and work on us. Actually I just want to be able to talk to her..and KIT rather then now which is her avoiding me.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 5:26pm
::She comes up with all kind of excuses but it boils down to teh fact that she cant handle seeing me ..cause she gets crazy and upset. She said eventually but not right now.

Believe her.

::Im a big endorser or Dr Phil..and I see her payoff of ignoreing me..avoiding me..as me giving her attention.

I agree with Dr Phil on this. She likes the attention, wants you to push and show how much you care, how sorry you are for the other girls you went out with, whatever.

::She thinks she has me wrapped around her little finger and she can come back to me any time she wants. She "has her cake and shes eating it too." What I need to accomplish is to make her think otherwise without comprimising my values..and without making things worse.

Take yourself out of the equation. Leave her alone as she requested. If she comes to you to talk eventually, then speak your truth about everything.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 5:55pm
I totally agree with previous poster. Leave her alone. Let her contact you. Good luck