advice needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
advice needed
6
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:20pm
hi everyone, I desperately need your advice on this embarassing topic

At the beginning of the relationship with my b/f he told me about his past sexual experiences, that included going on his own to sex clubs, (I don't know how you call them in english) where couples switch lovers, then he started to meet one of this couple, over a period of time, to play games.

I am a very jealous person, I tried to stay open on this, but it has made me feel insecure from the beginning.

We have had many problems during our relationship, but It's always been stimulating and fascinating being with him

I recently discovered that he sometimes still wonders on the internet to visit sites where couples switch partners, I caught him twice while he was contacting them, but then he said he always stops there (never meet anyone), that it's just a game, that it doesn't mean anything...

I've never told anyone about this, can anyone please give me an open minded, honest opinion? thank you


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: uffa2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:35pm
Why would he go to the trouble of signing up for this site, developing a profile and contacting people without going through with meeting them, especially when he has done it before?

I think he is pulling the wool over your eyes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
In reply to: uffa2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:52pm
well, I can see your point, but on the sites he goes you can easily read ads without signing in and the e-mails are readily available to you... you think it's hopeless, don't you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: uffa2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:58pm
How is your relationship in general? Does he treat you well? Do you connect emotionally?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: uffa2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 1:44pm
"...I tried to stay open on this..."

Why did you feel like you had to stay open on such disgusting behavior?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
In reply to: uffa2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:52pm
Thank you for your feedback, I'll tell you shortly about our relationship.

I've always been jealous in relationships even before I met him, since we started going out he has always complained about my mistrust of him, (especially after he's been telling me about his past) I got more and more controlling, even if he wasn't going out much and he used to get mad at me because of my ensecurities and what he called paranoia.(he knows a lot about psychology) he even told me I was a bordeline personality.

He has always told me that he could have omitted to tell me about his past, but that instead he wanted to share even that most intimate detail..

Last year he cheated on me (he said it was only a flirt) while we were spending time apart and he said that part of it was do to my lack of trust, to my constantly questioning every his single move...

Now that I read what I wrote I feel really pathetic for asking if there was any hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: uffa2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:59pm
O.k. first of all you need to get help for you insecurity, jealousy and how it affects you. Do this for yourself and don't dismiss how serious this is (well the relatiosnhip is over therefore there is no longer a problem). This will affect your future relationships because you are the one with the trust issue.

Second, he has some control issues of his own. So he knows something about psychology. That doesn't mean that his diagnosis of a personality disorder has any merit. And I love that he blames you for his cheating-you drove him to do it. What a joke.

Get rid of him and get your life together.