Advice Needed - Can We Get Past it??
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| Fri, 05-25-2007 - 12:34pm |
Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and for 5 months since December of last year I was talking to other men online and on the phone. Things escalated to where I was having phone sex with all these different guys. I even took out another phone line to use thinking I wouldn't get caught. Well he found out and it devastated him....he tells me I'm not who he thought I was and we've been seeing a therapist since he found out about a month ago.
My behaviour was addictive and compulsive….I was sexually abused as a child and have had low self esteem all my life. This is believed to be a contributing factor and something I am working on improving. But he always loved me I have no doubt and I can't function without him. Since this happened it has been a rollercoaster one day we are good and he says he loves me but he's so angry at what I did. Another day he's so mad that he punches things and lashes out at me. I know I deserve it so I just listen to his insults and take it. But when he changes his mind I feel my world collapsing. I can't work, I can't eat, I have a hard time concentrating. He says he doesn't know what to do and that he deserves better…a person who he can trust and would betray him like this.
I pray everyday that God allows us to go on together but when I see his hurt and anger I feel hopeless. I tell him that we can become stronger because of this and he disagrees says if I loved him I would've thought about what was at stake…can we fix this and have an even better relationship?? The connection we have I know I can never find with anyone else….I can't live without him...Last night he said he thinks we're kidding ourselves because he hasn't been happy lately...I know I was the one who made the mistake but I want to do everything in my power to rectify my faults...What should I do?? How can I approach him without him rejecting me at times??
Sincerely,
Guilty and remorseful

Welcome to the board remorseful80,
Honestly, I don't know that if your relationship can recover from this. Your actions broke his trust in you completely. It is going to be very hard to earn his trust back. And even though your actions were wrong, he
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This is a painful situation and you have to realize that it will take time to heal, for both of you. He has gone through a great shock and it's natural that he should be on an emotional roller coaster, feeling one way one day and another the next.
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