Advice Needed, Please.
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 07-29-2007 - 2:25pm |
I need to have some pointers on what to do with my marriage. I'll try to be concise:
1. I have been married four years, together b4 for 18 months.
2. My husband is Chilean and is finding it very hard to settle in England.
3. I don't go out for a drink with him anymore as he becomes verbally abusive and unpleasant. I arranged a weekend away for us recently and the same thing happened.
4. He has been depressed off and on throughout our time together. He has recently seen a Dr, but says he doesn't need to anymore. He won't follow up on the Spanish-speaking counsellors I have found for him/us.
5. He says he's not sure he made the right decision moving here, and says things like "What am I doing with my life" and "What am I doing here".
6. I try to be supportive and encouraging when he is having a bad few days, but by the time he is happy again I am emotionally exhausted and feel down myself. When I pointed out this cycle to him he refused to talk about it; instead he asked me if I felt better when I came back from a needed walk.
7. Regularly he will have a particularly depressed spell and will be more negative than usual for days or weeks at a time. During this time I remain positive but inside I feel like taking him up on his offer when he says he should go back to Chile.
8. I suspect he has depression as does his Dr, who prescribed him a mild anti-depressant. But having taken the meds for two months he says he feels much better and won't go back even though the signs of his mood swings are returning.
9. His constant voicing of his wrong decision-making makes me feel terrible, unwanted and as if his problems are completely my fault. If he hadn't met me he wouldn't be here now and would be much happier elsewhere.
10. When he is happy I feel bad for no longer feeling as though I can put up with this for the rest of our married lives. The thought of it fills me with dread. The constant picking up the blame for mistakes so he doesn't get cross, the disproportionate effort made emotionally to keep things on an even keel. I don't know how much more I can take.
11. I find myself only seeing his faults. I know he has wonderful strengths, too, but I cannot see them enough anymore for them to compensate for the negatives.
Any advice gladly received.
| Sun, 07-29-2007 - 3:42pm |
