Advice needed for a relationship gone awry
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|Fri, 06-03-2011 - 3:11am|
So I've reached a dilemma in my relationship, it's big and can possibly break this for me.
I have been together with my boyfriend for just about 2 years now, it's been official for a year now. The courtship was difficult and followed alot of life changes for him including his father's death. I stuck by him and he finally asked me out after we had been seeing each other for a year. Things were great for the first 7 months after he asked me to date him, then I started to notice changes in him. I once again dismissed it as being him still dealing with his own demons and his grief over his father's death, which often has come out as being a source of his moods when we're fighting. He's been very supportive of me as I've handled health issues(cancer) and struggled through school. He's been great, even though he has his own life issues to deal with.
He's become more distant in the past few months, doesn't really respond to my text messages, but he will still call me at night or answer my calls at night. He goes out to the club every weekend, which is also where he works occasionally(he's a DJ). Now I know most of his friends and I know where he stays when he goes out so that is not the issue. The issue has become that when he goes out he falls off the face of the earth until the next day and then suddenly acts like he never went poof, and it annoys the crap out of me. In the past month he has been talking to this one woman, and she's been flirting. Now I obtained this information in ways that I should not have... I snooped. But he has not exactly been telling her to back off, he's been flirting back, but not outright(confusing I know). I cannot bring this up to him because of how I found it out. He has no history of cheating, in fact he's been the one who has been cheated on in each of his relationships. And he does have a strong moral code that he has always lived by. The big thing is there is no evidence that he has ever cheated, just that he has allowed this flirtation. She is in a polyamorous relationship herself(which is something he is highly against) and I don't know what to make of it.
Here's the clincher.... we're in a long distance relationship. We see each other 1 week out of the month every month, or at least that is what we aim for. When we are together, there is no fighting, nor is there any flirting with anyone. He's clingy and affectionate and very very lovey with me. These problems do not exist when we are together. He's not afraid to be in public with me and his friends do all know about me. So it's not like he's skirting around our relationship. He's even been very excited that I'll be moving to his area for my master's degree which will allow us to be much closer and spend more time together. So I'm left with a bad taste in my mouth over all this. I'm trying to trust him because he has not cheated (as far as I know, there is no proof) and I hope that he truly does uphold his moral code even if there is temptation. But I'm not sure if I should wait this out, or turn my back and walk away now.
My instincts tell me to turn and walk away, save myself heartbreak later, but I've been known to be a paranoid person in the past and I don't want that to be what ruins this. But I really do love him, and when I'm with him I can tell how much he does love me as well. I'm at a loss and need some advice that is from the outside of my friend circle. Help??