Advice needed....QUICK!
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| Tue, 10-05-2004 - 2:35pm |
I'm new to this message board but I am really confused and not sure where else to turn for advice since this is a very touchy subject with my friends and family.
I have been married to my husband for almost 18 years. We have 3 children ages 14, 11, and 4. Nine years ago my mother was in her last year of her life fighting a battle against breast cancer. During that last year, my husband decided he couldn't take the pressure and emotional things that come with dealing with someone who is dying and he decided that he needed to get away from me. He had an affair. I'm not sure how long it lasted - he says a few months but that they only actually had sex once. I'm not sure that I have ever believed that. I got a lot of support from one of my husband's brother's whose wife did the same thing to him. They ended up divorcing but we went to counseling back then at my insistence. We decided to stay together and try to make things work. We even had another child about 4 years after this happened.
Since that time things have been mostly ok. Any time we argue about anything, though, I can't help but think back to that time in our lives. Sometimes I worry that he'll get upset and do it again, other times I get angry and I think that no matter what, I can really never trust him again. When we first met he was always good about saying "I love you", remembering birthdays, buying cards or flowers for no reason, that kind of stuff. He hasn't done any of that in years. Most of the time he doesn't get home from work before 9pm and he really doesn't care to interact with me or the kids at all.
Now, here comes the tricky part. Back in April of this year my husband's brother (I'll call him "#3") fired his other brother (I'll call him "#2" - you guessed it, he's the one who was my rock 9 years ago). My husband's father died of prostate cancer about a year and a half ago and my father-in-law appointed #3 to his job of local highway commissioner, overseeing his brother #2. Things went ok for a while but due to a lot of things (mainly #3's wife who hates #2) #3 fired #2 leaving #2 with no income, only 6 years from being fully vested in his retirement, and no place to live since he has no income. So in steps me and my husband. We tell #2 that he can live with us. He moved in on May 1 and has been there ever since. #2 helps me around the house, he appreciates the meals I cook every day, he thanks me for doing his laundry, he helps with disciplining my kids (and they listen to him since all their dad does is yell and cuss at them), and he seems to be the only adult male in my house that cares about me at all. I'm starting to feel very torn. I don't know what to do. In April of next year #3 is up for re-election to his highway commissioner position. My husband (since he has the same name as his deceased father and since #3 is not doing his job properly) has decided to run against #3. If my husband wins, #2 will have his job as foreman back and my husband will be his boss and I will be the one doing the paperwork for both of them! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I just do not have a clue what to do from here. My heart is tearing. Please give advice.
(P.S. Last night #2 and I took the kids out for pizza. My 4 year old asked him if he could be her daddy "just for tonight"!)

Im not sure what your question is, but i can make this observation.....You love your husband, but question his fidelity to you and your family. Feeling this way after so many years worries me that you never really dealt with this issue to begin with. I would suggest going into counseling to deal with this, even by yourself.