Advice please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2004
Advice please!
3
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 2:20pm
just wanted to get some advice about something that has really been bothering me. I am 21 and have been dating the same guy for 5 years. He is 2 years older and graduated college last spring. He has not been able to find a good job so he is now going to grad school 1000 miles away. We have done long distance the whole time we've been together since he went to college when i was in high school, and then when i went to college, so this isnt really a problem. However, he is trying to find a place to live where he is going to school and he can't find anything that isnt less than 500 a month, except this one house. The catch is that there will be another male grad student AND a female student living there. I am completely uncomfortable with the idea of him living with another woman, and the thought just makes me sick. I have told him how i feel but he doesnt understand why i'm so upset. He says i just dont trust him, but who would be completely trusting if their boyfriend was 1000 miles away living with another woman? I don't even have my engagement ring yet, but even if he did give me the ring before he left I wouldnt be okay with it. Engagements can be broken, and I don't want to even put myself out there for that kind of heartbreak. I just don't know what else to do, I know I will be miserable all year long and I will be suspicious and unhappy whenever we talk. Its not set in stone that he will live there, but it looks like a good possibility. What would any of you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 3:13pm
Well I think the answer is already in your post. You seem to feel you cant trust him living in a house, sharing with another female and a male. If there was no fe,ale would you trust him ?. Let me say this, he is 1000 miles away and you dont need a female living or sharing expenses in the same dwelling for anything to happen. The issue here is..do u really trust him, if you dont, that ring u want so bad might not come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 11:55am

i agree with jad. cheating is not about opportunity. people cheat even if they live in same-sex dorms, and people DON'T cheat even when they have the "opportunity". it depends on the individual.


did you always have this trust problem? has he ever cheated on you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 9:07pm
I agree with you. I don't think it's about trust really. People are human, they get attracted to those they are around, not universally but in general. I guess if I did what I wanted to do in the situation, I would give him an ultimatum. Would he like it if you were sharing a house with another guy? I doubt it. If you're important enough to him, he should respect your feelings about this. It may be that the situation is harmless, but I wouldn't want to trust it either. You don't deserve the headache. Best wishes!