Advice Please Need Help.... what to do?!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2012
Advice Please Need Help.... what to do?!!!!
8
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 3:38pm

My name is Haley. I have been with my boyfriend Liam for about two and a half years now. We are currently separated (well on a break since we are not married). I gave him a break because Liam said he needed time for school, work, friends and everything else going on in his life. He told me that he just didn't feel like it was fair to me to not separate for a few months just because he didn't feel like he could dedicate time to me that he should. I told Liam I was cool with him focusing on other things and that separating wasn't necessary. Anyways because he told me he would feel bad otherwise, I decided to just give in and be separated (on a break). The terms of the whole separation is that we would still be in a relationship, it would just be on pause until he got through this really busy last semester before he finally went to grad. school. Basically this means being loyal and just not moving on. I have really missed Liam, even though we have checked in and seen how each other has been doing. It's not the same because we don't see each other or talk much at all, maybe just once a week or once every other week. The separation has been going on for about two almost three months. Recently, I have been hanging out with my friend, Van. Van and I have become really good friends recently. I have known Van for a long time and he is about 3 years older than me. I used to have a crush on him years ago. Anyways we have been hanging out lately and the other day we were teasing each other and he ended up tickling me. We ended up on the couch, where he was tickling and when we both caught our breath from laughing we were literally in the position to almost kiss. Our faces were super close and we stayed there for a minute just staring at each other and then he leaned in and kissed me. Ugh I don't know what to do because I am supposed to still be with Liam, even though Liam and I are separated (on a break) and he doesn't seem to have anytime for me. Liam still hangs out with his friends and calls and texts his friends but he has no time for me. I just don't know what to do because I liked the kiss between Van and I. Van apologized for kissing me since I am still sort of in a relationship. Van told me he likes me and that he would be interested in dating if I wasn't with Liam but that he wants me happy. I don't know what to do ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 3:46pm

I have never understood this concept of "on a break."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 4:19pm

Your boyfriend broke up with you but doesn't have the maturity or balls to admit it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 6:27pm

Haley, I too, do not understand the concept of a break.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2012
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 10:29pm

Breaks just don't work well at all. I know and I am starting to think about them and how awful and unnecessary they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2012
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 10:48pm

Thank you all for the advice. I should never have gone along with the break. I don't understand them. The only reason I went along with it is because I thought I could eventually change Liam's mind. Obviously the relationship needs to end. Van has been nothing but there for me. I am interested in pursing a relationship with Van and I owe it to him and to myself and to Liam to just end it with Liam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 11:20pm

You can call it a separation or a break, or anything else you want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 11:57pm

I think the "take a break " thing is bs. What it really means is "I'm bored in this relationship and want to go see what else is out there" And he has time to hang out with friends but not with you. Believe me IF you were important enough to him he'd make time to see you. And it could be he already met someone else and wants to keep you "waiting in the wings" until he decides if this new relationship might work out. I would never accept this take a break thing from a man. Either were together or not. GOOD LUCK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 5:32am