advice wanted asap.
Find a Conversation
advice wanted asap.
| Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:50am |
Well i am new here and i am searching for advice in regards to my drastically changed life. I am 22 years old and just had a baby about 4 months ago. i am in a commited relationship as well, and although we live together and raise her together, we are planning our wedding.
before i had my daughter, i was just a crazy and wild 21 year old girl..going out to clubs and bars, smoking, drinking, and i didnt have a care in the world. i had avery close knit group of girlfriends. we did everything together. it was great. Of coruse i found out i was pregnant. Although i am young and not married, i decided to have the baby, seeing that my boyfriend and i were very committed and already talking about marriage. and its a decision i dont regret. the problem comes in with my girlfriends. Ever since i had the baby, obviously i am more than preoccupied with her. i spend every possible moment with her, and i work part time while my boyfriend works full time and goes to school full time. my friends get very offended if i dont find time to go out with them once a week, or if i fail to return a phone call, or if i have to break plans due to the baby. For a while they would come over my place and we would just have a girls night in..but that stopped a while ago. we all confronted these issues a few weeks ago. And although we talked about it all, i dont feel resolved by any means. i was very offended with the feedback i got from them. they all resent my daughter for taking me away from them.. and they admit that this is wrong, but its just how they feel.. they feel as if they are not a priority to me.and to tell the truth, they arent. i love them to death but my prioirties now are my family and work. i dont want to go out to bars. i dont enjoy drinking. i quit somking. its just no fun.now, i find myself not wanting to hang out with them at all. i avoid them. my boyfriend thinks i am crazy..but how i am supposed to remain friends with girls who dont relate to me at all? girls who resent my daughter somewhat for taking up so much of my time? i understand that i am at a different place than they are. is there anyway to make this work? I cant picture them NOT in my life, but at thiss point, it seems like too much work and worthless stress that i dont need. what should i do?
before i had my daughter, i was just a crazy and wild 21 year old girl..going out to clubs and bars, smoking, drinking, and i didnt have a care in the world. i had avery close knit group of girlfriends. we did everything together. it was great. Of coruse i found out i was pregnant. Although i am young and not married, i decided to have the baby, seeing that my boyfriend and i were very committed and already talking about marriage. and its a decision i dont regret. the problem comes in with my girlfriends. Ever since i had the baby, obviously i am more than preoccupied with her. i spend every possible moment with her, and i work part time while my boyfriend works full time and goes to school full time. my friends get very offended if i dont find time to go out with them once a week, or if i fail to return a phone call, or if i have to break plans due to the baby. For a while they would come over my place and we would just have a girls night in..but that stopped a while ago. we all confronted these issues a few weeks ago. And although we talked about it all, i dont feel resolved by any means. i was very offended with the feedback i got from them. they all resent my daughter for taking me away from them.. and they admit that this is wrong, but its just how they feel.. they feel as if they are not a priority to me.and to tell the truth, they arent. i love them to death but my prioirties now are my family and work. i dont want to go out to bars. i dont enjoy drinking. i quit somking. its just no fun.now, i find myself not wanting to hang out with them at all. i avoid them. my boyfriend thinks i am crazy..but how i am supposed to remain friends with girls who dont relate to me at all? girls who resent my daughter somewhat for taking up so much of my time? i understand that i am at a different place than they are. is there anyway to make this work? I cant picture them NOT in my life, but at thiss point, it seems like too much work and worthless stress that i dont need. what should i do?

And what brings people together is a common set of values and priorities.
Your girlfriends are still 21....drinking, dancing, having fun, casual sex, going to college, etc. They're not thinking about a future, they're in a position to have to be responsible for the upbringing, molding, nurturing, and shaping of a "future adult".
You're just not in the same position that you were...and your priorities have shifted.
And as a result - there is going to be less and less that you have in common with them as a result of that reality.
It's not that they "like you any less" - or you "like them any less" - it's that now there is an extremely delineating line between your priorities and theirs...and now they conflict in a large way, whereas at one time they were identical.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Best of luck to you and your new family
Opsicle
with friends like these....sorry. Making the adjustment to being responsible, mature and having other priorities than your friends have, will take time. Some of them may never get over it. Others may move out of your life and make room for new friends going in the same direction you are. Some may go away for awhile and be back in your life when their life is more aligned with yours. Sorry you have to go through this. You may have to grieve for the end of some of these friendships.
Carrie