Advice? wedding on the line!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Advice? wedding on the line!
6
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:28pm
I am a 24 yr. old that is supposed to be marrying my 33 yr. old sweetheart in just a few months. However, I have some issues with him that I feel need to be resolved before I say, "I do." He has some bad credit history, and I don't really have a problem with that, but he doesn't seem greatly concerned with cleaning it up. Also, we are building a house, but everything will be in my name for obvisous reasons. We make decent money, so we can be financially sound, but he doesn't seem to be saving anything! I'm just worried that all of these issues are bound to complicate our marriage. Any advice? I try to talk to him about it, but he gets frustrated and sometimes angry. He has a bit of a temper, so I try not to delve too deep, but I can't spend the rest of my life like this... what do I do? Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, and it would kill me if anything happened to us. Still, I just need to be able to trust him with money and know that he's trying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:11pm

Finances are the main reason for divorce and even the main reason for most spousal "spats"...only problem is, that if you dont resolve this matter now and get on the same page together, this can only snowball into something bigger..


I would advise you to sit down with him and calmly express how his lack of concern is starting to concern you.That its an

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:22pm
Hmm, consider pre-martial counseling to resolve issues.

AND my boyfriend would say: Look into a prenup agreement.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 4:10pm
Thanks all. We actually begin our counseling sessions with our minister next week. I'd just like to resolve some of my issues with my finance before then, as to not make him feel like I attacked him in a counseling session. I'm a worry wort anyway, but in this case, I actually need to worry about it. It's my future! He's not conniving, so I'm actually not too concerned with a pre-nup. Everything will be in my name, and I know he walked away from his previous marriage with nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:36am
I hate to rain on your parade but I can give you an example of the worst case scenario in your situation.

My mother was engaged to a man for about a year, then married this same man she is stuck with now (she was widowed for two years before marrying him). He lied to her about his finances from the start. He said he had money saved, this and that, had no debt etc.

Well, they were buying a house together and just as the house was closing in escrow, the IRS and State of Cal. Child Support Division put liens on her savings and checking accounts and seized all of the money they had saved for the house. The sale of the house, of course, fell through and now his paychecks are garnished and they file their taxes seperately every year because his return is always withheld. He owes better than $50,000 in back taxes and child support that he claimed no knowledge of from the start, even to this day. She will never own a home or any property as long as she continues to stay married to him.

At least your soon to be husband is remotely admitting that he has some credit problems. I guess I'm saying this because, yes while you love him and everything, in the end, his love will not resolve his debt and credit problems. They will soon become your problems as well if you're not careful. When it comes down to it, he can love you all the way to the bank and at the same time, be dragging you down some road you would never in your life imagined. You better examine your lives together very closely.

I'm just hoping you think about it.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:23pm

If you feel you cannot live with this, that is a strong statement. It is then absolutely necessary that the two of you sit down, talk it out and work it through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:08pm
Yes, I have thought long and hard about all of those things; however, I have actually looked over his credit report with him, so I know a little more about things than your mom did. I'm not entering into this marriage blindly. I've made it very clear to him that before I will finalize my loan for the house, he has to show me an updated credit report, and some of the problems should be resolved by that time.