Advice Would Be Good Here
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Advice Would Be Good Here
| Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:40pm |
After two months he said he is confused and not sure if he is ready for a relationship. He said he felt smothered He said he needs his space but that we can still see each other and be friends. He said he loved me. Did he really love me and care about me because guys just don’t say they love you to be nice. So what does this mean now? Do I sit back and relax and give him the space he needs and see where it goes from here? I really want to make this work because I do think we have potential. I know that I need to quit being so needy but I am not sure how to go about doing it. Please give me some advice on what to do or how to win him back!!!

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Welcome back to the board mlvincent26,
Here's your last post, so others can catch up on your story:
What is the deal???
Is this the same guy?
>>He said he loved me. Did he really love me and care about me because guys just don’t say they love you to be nice.<<
Hugs to you.
The thing is, he isn't the first person to confuse lust with love and he sure won't be the last. I believe that nobody really knows someone well enough after two months to be sure that it's "love".
One of the previous posters recommended distancing yourself and letting him chase you. This could work, but only if he wants to continue the relationship.
You've done well realising that being needy is tough on a relationship. How are you needy? What type of behaviours would you like to change?
First of all, don't take all the blame for this. It sounds as though he wants space and perhaps is truly not ready for a relationship. It takes two people to want the same thing for things to work out. That said, I wouldn't hang around and be a "friend" forever, because you have other feelings here. You can stay in touch very lightly, but why not be cheerful about this, let him know it's fine for him to have his space because you need and want some space as well. (Which you do need as he's not there for you). A guy like this will feel much more interested if you are independent and hard to get. I wouldn't make it a game though, I'd truly build a life, go out with others, work on feeling good about myself and stop hanging on him. When he actually sees and feels what's going on, it may make him feel safer in this situation. But, the real question is, what kind of a guy do you want for a relationship? Someone who needs that much space? Someone who's afraid of closeness? A healthy relationship always includes a balance of closeness and time apart.
Just grow and be happy and keep busy and active and all that is right will come on its own.
Best wishes,
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Just not too sure of what to do or how to act???
I know that calling and texting all the time really aggravates him so I have really cut back on that. And I did let him know that I was trying. I am just not used to being in a relationship where one party required more space than me.
What to do now? What do I make of all this?
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