Advice Would Be Good Here

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Advice Would Be Good Here
11
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:40pm
After two months he said he is confused and not sure if he is ready for a relationship. He said he felt smothered He said he needs his space but that we can still see each other and be friends. He said he loved me. Did he really love me and care about me because guys just don’t say they love you to be nice. So what does this mean now? Do I sit back and relax and give him the space he needs and see where it goes from here? I really want to make this work because I do think we have potential. I know that I need to quit being so needy but I am not sure how to go about doing it. Please give me some advice on what to do or how to win him back!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:20pm
Backing off after only 2 months is not a good sign. I'm sorry. He's just letting you down easy. Move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:51pm
Ok, the thing I found that works the best, is to leave him alone and go do your own thing. Guys are attracted to the hunt, well he already caught you and it isn't fun anymore. Let him hunt for you again and be very hard to catch. Really, I know it is playing games, but it works. Plus, he will be able to see that you are not needy and that you are independant and have your own life, this is also very attractive to guys. They are drawn to your light, but it has to be a glowing light in the distance, not a burning candle against his skin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 3:08pm

Welcome back to the board mlvincent26,


Here's your last post, so others can catch up on your story:


What is the deal???


Is this the same guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:40pm
Not the same guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 5:42pm

>>He said he loved me. Did he really love me and care about me because guys just don’t say they love you to be nice.<<

Hugs to you.

The thing is, he isn't the first person to confuse lust with love and he sure won't be the last. I believe that nobody really knows someone well enough after two months to be sure that it's "love".

One of the previous posters recommended distancing yourself and letting him chase you. This could work, but only if he wants to continue the relationship.

You've done well realising that being needy is tough on a relationship. How are you needy? What type of behaviours would you like to change?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 6:30pm
Calling all the time...texting all the time...wanting to spend every waking moment with him. Like I am scared for him to do something without me.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 6:56pm

First of all, don't take all the blame for this. It sounds as though he wants space and perhaps is truly not ready for a relationship. It takes two people to want the same thing for things to work out. That said, I wouldn't hang around and be a "friend" forever, because you have other feelings here. You can stay in touch very lightly, but why not be cheerful about this, let him know it's fine for him to have his space because you need and want some space as well. (Which you do need as he's not there for you). A guy like this will feel much more interested if you are independent and hard to get. I wouldn't make it a game though, I'd truly build a life, go out with others, work on feeling good about myself and stop hanging on him. When he actually sees and feels what's going on, it may make him feel safer in this situation. But, the real question is, what kind of a guy do you want for a relationship? Someone who needs that much space? Someone who's afraid of closeness? A healthy relationship always includes a balance of closeness and time apart.

Just grow and be happy and keep busy and active and all that is right will come on its own.

Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 11:48pm
I went over Wednesday because I had already planned on it because I had to do his dad's taxes. Wow!!! That was really hard to do being in the same room with someone who just told you he needed space but I played it cool. Acted like it didn't bother me. Then on Friday I talked to him and he was going out of town with his brother and their friend. Funny thing is that with all the space he needed I ended up talking to him until 5 in the morning. Not non stop but off and on between texts and phone calls. Then on Saturday when he came back he called me and asked me to come over. Meanwhile I was with his mom and dad visiting his brother at the hospital. I went over and we kind of talked about it and he said that I needed to relax. I told him I was trying. He said he wasn't ready to be tied down and he told me that he would never do anything to hurt me. I told him I was confused and he said confused about what. He said I just need some space because he wanted to do this the right way. I guess by not moving too fast. I visited with him for about 20 minutes and he said he was going to sleep because he was up all night but for me to come back at about 6. I told him I had a party to go to that night. He said to come over before that. Then went to the neighbors which the guy is his best friend and the girl is my friend. I stayed there for a couple of hours then left to go home. Came back and he was still sleeping so I laid down with him and ended up falling asleep, missing the party and waking up this morning at 9:30. Wow I must have been really exhausted or it just felt really good for someone to hold you all night long and not for sex at all. I left about noon and went back to the neighbors, we went get my daughter and went out to eat and then he called me when he got home at 8 and told me to come by so I did and I stayed there until about 9:45 and now I am home.
Just not too sure of what to do or how to act???
I know that calling and texting all the time really aggravates him so I have really cut back on that. And I did let him know that I was trying. I am just not used to being in a relationship where one party required more space than me.
What to do now? What do I make of all this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 5:19pm
Wait for him to call you and try to let him do most of the calling and texting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 5:22pm
In your opinion do you think that everything is okay? Do I have any reason to be concerned?

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