Advise please

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Advise please
2
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 1:01pm
My bf and I have been dating for about 5 months. Everything has been going great. We have been getting used to each other and our different personalities...I am touchy feely and he is the opposite. We have made compromises along the way, of course as any couple does. We have discussed the possibility of marriage. He is 28 and in college for the first and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the entire experience. I'm 27 and work full time. He comments occasionally about moving back home when the semester ends. He told me a few weeks ago that he knows he shouldn't do that because he won't finish school if he does. I have supported him however I can through his thought processes and give him my opinion sometimes too.

He went home for a few weeks in between semesters and just got back on Monday. I missed him terribly while he was gone and he told me he felt the same way. He even told me that he loved me for the first time while he was gone. I told him I loved him a month before...no that didn't worry me I know that people develop feelings at different times.

This is my problem...Tuesday I was really emotional from a bad day at work and add on top of that PMS. I was feeling really insecure for some reason so when he wasn't touchy feely and I needed a hug I took it the wrong way and started to cry. He cooked dinner and we talked and I asked him why he stayed with me since he said he likes girls that are always done up (makeup, hair, nails, dressed to the nines)because I am really laid back and comfortable in a polo or tshirt and jeans. I must add here when we met for the first time in person he wasn't exactly who I expected I would fall in love with but I have-- the outside appearance is so superficial and doesn't matter as much as what is on the inside in my opinion.

He didn't know what to do so eventually he just left....without a goodbye or anything. The next day I went by his apartment to try to explain what was going on with me the night before. He told me that our relationship had gotten more serious than he had wanted it too and that he had told me in the beginning that he wanted to just make friends to hang with and have fun since he was in college for the first time. This is true he did tell me that and I didn't expect to develop feelings for him besides friendship from the beginning but we don't have control over who we fall in love with!!!!

He told me that he needs to back off for awhile and sort through some things...where he is going to go when the semester ends, what he wants to major in, and he wants to major in,etc.

This is my question...do I stick it out or does this mean it's over? I am a little bit confused by my own reactions to this situation. I am calm and feel like everything is going to be okay. My normal reaction would to be hyterical about our conversation but I'm not.

I don't think I mentioned that bf told me that it isn't that he is ruling out dating me all together it is just too serious right now and we just need to ride this out and see what happens?

I think my concern is that I may be riding something out that may never come to fruition. He said that it isn't that it isn't that there isn't a possibility that we may eventually get married but he needs to work through the school, moving possibly in December, etc stuff right now.

Does anyone have words of advise or wisdom they would like to share? Anything would be appreciated. I posted this on another board but wanted to see what some others may say too.

Thanks in advance for your advise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: idfarmgal
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 1:27pm
Love is definately tricky but it is one thing that you cannot force to happen. I would say that you continue living your life and not wait around for him. If you want a serious relationship there is no reason you can't have one. I think he really does need to do some much needed priority setting if he is serious about school and his future, you have to respect that. Don't risk wasting your time for someone that may or may not come around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
In reply to: idfarmgal
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 1:55pm
I really think that you should give your bf his time that he is requesting. If he's laid it out on the table for you, then he's serious about this. I think that you should let this relationship go, and time will let you know if you two were really meant to be together.

You'll know when you meet that special person- there will be no doubt in your mind that he is the one. But, for now you need to break away from this relationship before it hurts you anymore. Your young and you shoudln't have to waste emotions on this. Let him go, if it's meant to be he'll come back. If not, then there is someone else out there for you.