Afraid of failure
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Afraid of failure
| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:43pm |
Hello. First of all let me give you a little background about my situation. Ok I am 26 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been dating for almost 5 years. I live at home with my mom and he lives with both of his parents. I am finishing my education while working full time and he is financially stable with a very good job. Ok my problem is this, I have brought up the marriage thing several times with my boyfriend. Each time he tries to avaoid id to an extent. He says that he wants to spend his life with me and so on, but he says that he cannot give me a ring right now because he is afraid of failure. That is why he hasn't moved out and bought a house and such. I told him that I don't want to get married right now but, at least that level of commitment. He says that he is committed to me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. I love him very much but, I have told him that his being so afraid of failure will eventually push me away. I told him that if in 2 years when I finish my education he cannot commit to that level then I need to move on and he said he understands and that he feels that he is holding me back. What can I do? Do I need to hang around or is this already over? Do men grow out of this stage? Thanks for all of your help!

Good luck to you on your decision.
Carrie
I feel that each of you should be able and willing to take care of yourselves before you get married and/or move in together. Usually women are more self sufficiant, even living at home, such as laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. He most likely depends on mom for those things, still. And yes, at 31 - he should have already been out and about for a few years now.
It seems to me that he has no motivation to move out. He more then likely has it made right where he is. And - when needed and / or wanted - he has you.
I personally believe that he has not intentions or plans for your future together. He is where he wants to be right now...
The rest is up to you. You still have school to finish - do you want to get through it and find out that he is STILL not "ready" for marriage???
PlayNICE
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.
I personally believe that he has not intentions or plans for your future together. He is where he wants to be right now...
Liking the way something is and not having plans for the future are very different statements.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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