Afraid i will cheat!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Afraid i will cheat!
2
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 1:40pm

The thing is that I am afraid the current situation will lead me to cheating down the road. In reality I know it will never get to that but a part of me would like to. I have always been completely against cheating and I still am (which makes me a bit of a hypocrite, I know); And I know that the right thing to do is to leave him and at the end of the but I cannot see my self without my b/f (fiancé to be clear).

I love my boyfriend dearly. The first few months of our relationship were perfect, like in most relationships. And with time everything got better: the intimacy, the friendship, everything. I am convinced he is my soul mate and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am looking forward to starting a family and all. He is the best partner any one can ask for. Problem is I feel like I am sleeping with my best friend instead of my boyfriend.
The first 4 months were so hot and heavy and exciting, I don’t know what happened afterwards. It’s like he’s all sexed out. And it’s so sad because I know that the love my b/f has for me is like that movie love. I have no doubt about it. But I want and NEED passion too. He doesn’t kiss me, doesn’t seduce me, and doesn’t want to have sex ever. To say we went almost an entire month w/out doing it. And I honestly don’t care about the sex much. It’s all the other tings. I love making out and having steamy make out sessions and foreplay and just the romance. The passion and the heat are gone and I crave it.
It's been a year since we started having this problem. Every time I try to discuss it seriously and to have a heartfelt convo about it he tunes me out, blows me off or tries to get cutesy about it and then I never get my point across or he just doesn't get it. He's on anxiety meds, pain killers and blood pressure meds, and I am sure all of these have something to do with it. So I am very frustrated because a part of me feels like ther is nothing that can be done. I asked him to talk to his doc and he refuses to. I have suggested couple's therapy, because I don't want to go into a marriage and then be unhappy but he says that there is no problem in the relationship (I feel like Charlotte and he is Trey). I rather fix the problem before we are deep into a marriage with kids.

Now I say I am afraid I will cheat because an incident occurred this weekend that has me all shaken up. There is a friend of his who’s always hugging me and telling me he loves me, like in the friendly way. I think he might see me as a lil sister since I am his friends’ g/f, but although he always kisses me hello and goodbye really close to the lips he recently just planted one on me ON the lips (while he was really, really drunk, tho). I now have a crush on him although I am sure it is not mutual (he has a g/f). It is I who is fabricating all these little fantasies in my head. Mostly because there is little to fantasize about my relationship. It's just that it scares me that a little kiss from his friend can arouse me so much.
Deep down, as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I find my self wishing he would come over and kiss me and make out with me. That’s as far as the fantasies go because that’s what I wish I was getting from my b/f: Passionate Kisses!

I know I am not making any sense and am being immature about it as people in other boards pointed out. But I just want my b/f to realize that the problem is real and that it needs to be worked on not ignored. Nothing good will come out of him ignoring me except me leaving, or even worse, maybe even cheating. I just want him to hear me. And I want him to not make me fantasize about other guys but him instead.




Edited 8/11/2008 5:18 pm ET by iv_leidy101
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 2:14pm

Welcome to the board iv_leidy101,


Some times (lots of times) problems in a relationship show up as problems in the bedroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 7:33pm
You could be right about his health issues and medications interfering with his libido.