afraid my boyfriend will leave me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
afraid my boyfriend will leave me
7
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:21am
I need your opinion please.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. In those 10 months i got pregnant, got dumped by him, had a miscarriage and we have argued about my insecurities a lot. Ever since the beginning i've been insecure. I always thought he was only with me because there was nobody else. he has no friends and i live in fear that he'll meet people and dump me soon.

When i got pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion. I didn't do it so for a few days he left and said that he would only pay child support but that he didn't know where we were going to be as a couple...he was resentful that i was keeping the baby and ruining his life. At one point he even told me that having a baby together didn't mean marriage or that we would be together for ever. He told me he would be around for the baby go to the doctor's visits and be part of his life because it was his "duty".

I had a miscarriage and he was there for me to support me, pampered me and somehow after that everything went back to normal. Did he really love me? Every day now even more i live with the fear that he never really loved me and that soon he'll find someone else. also, he's always telling that we live our relationship on a day to day basis? what does that mean?

If it was so easy for him to leave me and act mean toward me while i was pregnant what tells me he wont do it again? makes me think my intuitions were always right.

Please, anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:28am
wonderingwhy30...

2 words from Pianoguy: DUMP HIM!

I'm very sorry about the miscarriage, but a child should never be brought into the world as "an obligation between 2 people"----and it's clear that the only reason you got the attention was because there was a baby on the way.

Being the "california girl" that your profile indicated, I'm sure you can do much better in a man...if you give yourself a chance? Your current companion might behave like (kindly) Dr. Jekyll with you right now....but (nasty) Mr. Hyde will be back! TRUST ME!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:41pm
Hon, this guy wants a relationship on his terms, when it's convenient for him, as long as you aren't preg, as long as you aren't trying to tie him down for the rest of his life.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:18pm
I know , you're right. I just can't find myself letting him go..I don't know what to do.

I really care for him =(
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 3:05pm

It doesn't sound as though this man is capable of love. He seems to have some serious difficulties in relationships. You yourself said he has no friends. There's a reason for that. His behavior towards you when you were pregnant was distressing. Clearly, he didn't want a child and clearly he isn't ready for committment and responsibility of any kind with you.


Take a good look and see why you are still with him? If he behaved that way one time it seems very likely he would again, should the occassion arise. Is this what you want in life? Are you hoping to build a relationship with someone which could lead to marriage and a family? If so, why are you with this man?


Best wishes.

Mental Health Support and Relationship Advice


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2000
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 3:39pm
This is just my opinion and I could be way off base here but it sounds to me like he's the one keeping your self-esteem so low......making you worry he'll leave and not being there when you really needed him (the pregnancy).
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 3:55pm
I want to thank all of you for your response.

I do have a low self- esteem. My ex-boyfriend left me after 4 years for his co-worker.

I can't live like this anymore...I'm tired of worrying everyday that he's going to leave me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 5:06pm
Consider getting some counseling, it will really help, help you deal with the last break up, the self-esteem issues, the grief of the miscarriage, the grief of ending a relationship etc.

Reading material to consider:

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon

The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse

Self Matters, Phil McGraw


Carrie