After 10 years...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
After 10 years...
4
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:48pm

I *think* I might be ready to walk away - I don't want to but maybe I should!?

How do you walk away from someone who is your best friend, your companion, your confidant and someone who encompasses your past... but your future feels flatlined if you stay with him!?! If comfortable was enough maybe it'd be okay and while I COULD drag him along because he would "go along" I'm just not sure that's enough!? I miss passion. He could wake up 25 years from now doing the same thing he's doing today and be fine! I can't! But how lost am I going to be without him - so insanely, painfully lost! :(

How do I do this!?




Edited 9/6/2007 7:58 pm ET by mkopulos
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 10:26pm

Welcome to the board mkipulos,


What kinds of things have you done to try to regain the passion?




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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 11:10am

Go seek therapy and counseling to work about your mixed feelings about this situation. Clearly, there is much of value to you in the relationship, a lot that you depend on and feel frightened to be without. On the other hand, it seems there is also a deadness that is getting to you.


In good therapy you will learn how to become independent, a full person on your own. Of course we all miss those we love and have shared time with, but it is never wise to be so dependent upon a person that we feel "insanely lost" without them. You must grow within yourself to depend on you, to have a full life on your own and to feel good about who you are. Then, a funny thing may even happen...you may not feel such a lack of passion in your life. It is possible, that once again, you are hoping someone else will give you the passion and excitment you need, rather than create it from your own life, fully lived.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 12:44pm

"In good therapy you will learn how to become independent, a full person on your own. Of course we all miss those we love and have shared time with, but it is never wise to be so dependent upon a person that we feel "insanely lost" without them"

Oh hun, I am an independent and full person. Otherwise I wouldn't even be considering leaving obviously!

And yes, I think it makes perfect sense for someone to feel lost without someone who has been in their life for 10 years, I would be more concerned if someone didn't feel lost without that person! At that point there would be no question about leaving.

Anyone else have advice or encouragement for me!? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 2:06pm

Hi, my question still stands....have you done anything to try to regain the passion?


Reading material to consider:


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage, Shechtman


Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix